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The Wit and Humor of America, Volume X (of X)
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"Good," ejaculated Mr. Brief. "I am glad to hear that she is happy."

"So am I," said the Idiot. "But such happiness."

"Well, what's it all got to do with Leap Year, anyhow?" asked the Bibliomaniac.

"Nothing at all, except that it proves that girls aren't fitted really to choose their own husbands, and that therefore the special privilege conferred upon them by the recurrence of Leap Year should be rescinded by law," said the Idiot. "That privilege, owing to woman's incapacity to choose correctly, and man's weakness in the use of negatives, is a standing menace to the future happiness of the people."

"Hoity-toity," cried Mrs. Pedagog. "What a proposition. Tell me, Mr. Idiot, if a woman is not capable of selecting her own husband, who on earth is? Man himself—that embodiment of all the wisdom and all the sagacity of the ages?"

"I didn't say so," said the Idiot. "And I don't really think so," he added. "The whole institution of getting engaged to be married should be regulated by the public authorities. Every county should have its Matrimonial Bureau, whose duty it should be to pair off all the eligible candidates in the matrimonial market, and in pairing them off it should be done on a basis of mutual fitness. Bachelors and old maids should be legislated out of existence, and nobody should be allowed to marry a second time until everybody else had been provided for. It is perfectly scandalous to me to read in the newspapers that a prominent widow in a certain town has married her third husband, when it is known that that same city contains 25,000 old maids who haven't the ghost of a show unless the State steps in and helps them out. What business has any woman to work up a corner in husbands, with so many of her sisters absolutely starving matrimonially?"

"And the young people are to have nothing to say about it, eh?" asked Mr. Brief.

"Oh yes—they can put in an application to the Bureau stating that they want to wed, and the Board of Managers can consider the desirability of issuing a permit," said the Idiot. "And they should be compelled to show cause why they should not be restrained from getting married. It is only in such a way that the state can reasonably guarantee the permanence of a contract to which it is in a sense a party. The State, by the establishment of certain laws, demands that the marriage contract shall practically be a life affair. It should therefore take it upon itself to see to it that there is a tolerable prospect at least that the contract is a just one. Many a poor woman has been bound to a life-long obligation of misery in which no consideration whatever has been paid by the party of the second part. If a contract without consideration will not stand in commerce, why should it in matrimony?"

"What you ought to go in for is Mormonism," snapped Mrs. Pedagog. "Keep on getting married until you've found just the right one and then get rid of all the others."

"That is a pleasing alternative," said the Idiot. "But expensive. I'd hate to pay a milliner's bill for a Mormon household—but anyhow we needn't grow acrimonious over the subject, for whatever I may think of matrimony as she exists to-day, all the injustices, inequalities, miseries of it, and all that, I prefer it to acrimony, and I haven't the slightest idea that my dream of perfect conditions will ever be realized. Only, Mary—"

"Yessir?" said the Maid.

"If between this and the first of January, 1905, any young ladies, or old ones either, call here and ask for me—"

"Yessir," said the Maid.

"Tell 'em I've gone to Nidjni-Novgorod and am not expected back for eleven years," said the Idiot. "I'm not going to take any chances."



COMPLETE INDEX

ALPHABETICALLY ARRANGED BY AUTHORS

ADAMS, CHARLES FOLLEN Bary Jade, To, 1899 Der Oak und der Vine, 1823 Shonny Schwartz, 1206 Yawcob Strauss, 370

ADE, GEORGE Hon. Ransom Peabody, 1429

ADELER, MAX (see CHARLES HEBER CLARK)

ALDRICH, THOMAS BAILEY Our New Neighbors at Ponkapog, 403

ALLEN, NINA R. Women and Bargains, 1352

AMSBARY, WALLACE BRUCE Anatole Dubois at de Horse Show, 152 De Gradual Commence, 1164 Oncl' Antoine on 'Change, 1891 Rubaiyat of Mathieu Lettellier, 1965 Tim Flanagan's Mistake, 1673 Verre Definite, 1183

ANONYMOUS Book-Canvasser, The, 1113 Country School, The, 1734 Merchant and the Book-Agent, The, 1124

APPLETON, JACK Modern Farmer, The, 1083

ARP, BILL (see CHARLES H. SMITH)

BAGBY, GEORGE W. How "Ruby" Played, 311

BAILEY, JAMES MONTGOMERY ("The Danbury News Man") After the Funeral, 1146 Mr. Stiver's Horse, 464

BALDWIN, JOSEPH G. Assault and Battery, 1391

BANGS, JOHN KENDRICK By Bay and Sea, 1367 Genial Idiot Discusses Leap Year, The, 2018 Genial Idiot Discusses the Music Cure, The, 1105 Genial Idiot Suggests a Comic Opera, The, 504 Gentle Art of Boosting, The, 1575 University Intelligence Office, The, 1727

BATCHELDER, FRANK ROE Happy Land, The, 1389 Wicked Zebra, The, 1322

BAXTER, BILLY (see WILLIAM J. KOUNTZ, JR.)

BECKER, CHARLOTTE Modern Advantage, A, 642

BEDOTT, WIDOW (see FRANCES M. WHICHER)

BEECHER, HENRY WARD Deacon's Trout, The, 212 Organ, The, 217

BELDEN, J. V. Z. A Committee from Kelly's, 929

BILLINGS, JOSH (see HENRY W. SHAW)

BOYNTON, H. W. The Golfer's Rubaiyat, 319

BRIDGES, MADELINE A Mothers' Meeting, 1886

BROWNE, CHARLES FARRAR ("Artemus Ward") Tower of London, The, 528 Uncle Simon and Uncle Jim, 539

BRYANT, WILLIAM CULLEN The Mosquito, 1199

BURDETTE, ROBERT J. Archaeological Congress, An, 390 Brakeman at Church, The, 1323 Day We Do Not Celebrate, The, 134 "Festina Lente", 2016 Margins, 1297 My First Cigar, 1204 Plaint of Jonah, The, 485 Rollo Learning to Play, 912 Rollo Learning to Read, 448 Soldier, Rest, 1796 Songs Without Words, 1261 Strike at Hinman's, The, 342 What Lack We Yet, 1897

BURGESS, GELETT Bohemians of Boston, The, 519 Nonsense Verses, 1244 Purple Cow, The, 13 Vive la Bagatelle, 280 Willy and the Lady, 2009

BUTLER, ELLIS PARKER The Crimson Cord, 470

BUTLER, WILLIAM ALLEN Nothing to Wear, 1435

CARLETON, HENRY GUY The Thompson Street Poker Club, 1140

CARMAN, BLISS Modern Eclogue, A, 645 In Philistia, 567 Sceptics, The, 1626 Spring Feeling, A, 1129 Staccato to O Le Lupe, A, 1499

CARRUTH, HAYDEN Familiar Authors at Work, 289 Uncle Bentley and the Roosters, 1873

CARRYL, CHARLES E. Nautical Ballad, A, 348

CARY, PHOEBE "Day Is Done, The", 1628 I Remember, I Remember, 652 Jacob, 1898 Marriage of Sir John Smith, The, 803 Psalm of Life, A, 207 Samuel Brown, 259 "There's a Bower of Bean-Vines", 1916 When Lovely Woman, 1834

CHALLING, JOHN Rhyme for Christmas, A, 1290

CHAMBERS, ROBERT W. Recruit, The, 230

CHESTER, GEORGE RANDOLPH Especially Men, 937

CLARK, CHARLES HEBER ("Max Adeler") Millionaires, The, 1675

CLARKE, JOSEPH I. C. Fighting Race, The, 214

CLEMENS, SAMUEL L. Evidence in the Case of Smith vs. Jones, The, 1918 Great Prize Fight, The, 1903 Nevada Sketches, 1805

CONE, HELEN AVERY Spring Beauties, The, 805

COOKE, EDMUND VANCE Daniel Come to Judgment, A, 1399 Final Choice, The, 1427

CORTISSOZ, ELLEN MACKAY HUTCHINSON Praise-God Barebones, 765

COX, KENYON Bumblebeaver, The, 1145 Octopussycat, The, 1112 Paintermine, The, 1100 Welsh Rabbittern, The, 1120 Wild Boarder, The, 1163

COZZENS, FREDERICK S. Family Horse, The, 715

CRANE, FRANK Wamsley's Automatic Pastor, 511

CRAYON, PORTE (see B. F. STROTHER) Culbertson, Anne Virginia Comin' Thu, 333 Go Lightly, Gal (The Cake-Walk), 317 How Mr. Terrapin Lost His Beard, 1328 How Mr. Terrapin Lost His Plumage and Whistle, 1360 Mr. Hare Tries to Get a Wife, 921 Quit Yo' Worryin, 934 Whar Dem Sinful Apples Grow, 903 Why Moles Have Hands, 202 Woman Who Married an Owl, The, 838

CURTIS, GEORGE WILLIAM Our Best Society, 233

CUTTING, MARY STEWART Not According to Schedule, 1448

DALE, ALAN Wanted—A Cook, 35

DAVIES, JOHN JAMES Ballade of the "How To" Books, A, 416

DAY, HOLMAN F. Had a Set of Double Teeth, 1994 When the Allegash Drive Goes Through, 1214

DERBY, GEORGE H. ("John Phoenix") Lectures on Astronomy, 847 Musical Review Extraordinary, 824

DEVERE, WILLIAM Walk, 300

DODGE, MARY ABIGAIL ("Gail Hamilton") Complaint of Friends, A, 604

DOOLEY, MR. (see FINLEY PETER DUNNE)

DOWNING, MAJOR JACK (see SEBA SMITH)

DRUMMOND, WILLIAM HENRY De Stove Pipe Hole, 774 Natural Philosophy, 1722 When Albani Sang, 92

DUNNE, FINLEY PETER ("Mr. Dooley") Mr. Dooley on Expert Testimony, 844 Mr. Dooley on the Game of Football, 1059 Mr. Dooley on Gold-Seeking, 304 Mr. Dooley on Golf, 1630 Mr. Dooley on Reform Candidates, 321

EGGLESTON, EDWARD Spelling Down the Master, 138

EMERSON, RALPH WALDO Fable, 1358

FIELD, EUGENE Advertiser, The, 1101 James and Reginald, 1171 Lost Chords, 1080 New Year Idyl, A, 2011 Story of the Two Friars, The, 588 Utah, 1305 Warrior, The, 1708 Winter Joys, 1868

FIELD, KATE Night in a Rocking-Chair, A, 905 Rival Entertainment, A, 362

FIELDS, JAMES T. Caesar's Quiet Lunch with Cicero, 760 Owl-Critic, The, 1196 Pettibone Lineage, The, 196

FINN, HENRY J. Curse of the Competent, The, 14

FISK, MAY ISABEL Evening Musicale, An, 325

FLAGG, JAMES MONTGOMERY Branch Library, A, 1446 Table Manners, 1400

FLOWER, ELLIOTT Co-operative Housekeepers, The, 927 Her "Angel" Father, 936 Strike of One, The, 870

FOLEY, J. W. Sonnets of the Lovable Lass and the Plethoric Dad, 723

FORD, JAMES L. Dying Gag, The, 569

FORD, SEWELL In Defence of an Offering, 1248

FOSS, SAM WALTER Cable-Car Preacher, A, 647 He Wanted to Know, 1794 "Hullo", 1706 Prayer of Cyrus Brown, The, 1398 She Talked, 264

FRANKLIN, BENJAMIN Maxims, 1804 Paper: A Poem, 1548

FRENCH, ALICE ("Octave Thanet") Fairport Art Museum, The, 1062

FRENCH, ANNE WARNER ("Anne Warner") So Wags the World, 1092 Wolf at Susan's Door, The, 626

GILLILAN, STRICKLAND W. Mammy's Lullaby, 542

GILMAN, CAROLINE HOWARD Colonel's Clothes, The, 396

GILMAN, CHARLOTTE PERKINS Similar Cases, 56

GRAY, DAVID Mr. Carteret and His Fellow Americans Abroad, 1462

GREENE, ALBERT GORTON Old Grimes, 818

GREENE, ROY FARRELL Educational Project, An, 1264 Wasted Opportunities, 1132 Woman-Hater Reformed, The, 1359

GREENE, SARAH P. MCLEAN Grandma Keeler Gets Grandpa Ready for Sunday-School 266

HABBERTON, JOHN Budge and Toddie, 1692

HALE, EDWARD EVERETT Skeleton in the Closet, The, 1371

HALE, LUCRETIA P. Elizabeth Eliza Writes a Paper, 454

HALIBURTON, T. C. ("Sam Slick") Road to a Woman's Heart, The, 1487

HALL, BAYNARD RUST Camp-Meeting, The, 1265 Selecting the Faculty, 437

HAMILTON, GAIL (see MARY ABIGAIL DODGE)

HARLAND, HENRY Invisible Prince, The,1836

HARRIS, JOEL CHANDLER My Honey, My Love, 691

HARRIS, KENNETT Trial that Job Missed, The, 1917

HARTE, FRANCIS BRET Melons, 1 Plain Language from Truthful James, 1997 Society upon the Stanislaus, The, 1078

HARTSWICK, JENNIE BETTS Weddin', The, 1134

HAWTHORNE, NATHANIEL British Matron, The, 192

HAY, JOHN Banty Tim, 1173 Distichs, 65 Mystery of Gilgal, The, 1654

HENRY, O. (see SYDNEY PORTER)

HERFORD, OLIVER Alphabet of Celebrities, 1243

HOBART, GEORGE V. ("Hugh McHugh") John Henry in a Street Car, 177

HOLLEY, MARIETTA ("Josiah Allen's Wife") How We Bought a Sewin' Machine and Organ, 729

HOLMES, OLIVER WENDELL Autocrat of the Breakfast Table, The, 753 Contentment, 1952 Deacon's Masterpiece, or, The Wonderful "One-Hoss Shay," The, 9 Dislikes, 536 Evening, 1175 Height of the Ridiculous, The, 1832 Latter-Day Warnings, 1168

HONEYWOOD, ST. JOHN Darby and Joan, 166

HOOPER, J. J. Simon Starts in the World, 881

HOUGH, EMERSON Girl and the Julep, The, 1401

HOVEY, RICHARD Barney McGee, 223 Her Valentine, 1117

HOWE, E. W. Letter from Mr. Biggs, A, 69

HOWELLS, WILLIAM DEAN Mrs. Johnson, 74

IRONQUILL (see EUGENE F. WARE)

IRVIN, WALLACE Ballad of Grizzly Gulch, The, 1073 Boat that Ain't, The, 1764 Crankidoxology, 688 Dutiful Mariner, The, 973 Fall Styles in Faces, 1992 Forbearance of the Admiral, The, 1553 Letter from Home, A, 522 Lost Inventor, The, 1385 Love Sonnets of a Hoodlum, 307 Meditations of a Mariner, 713 Niagara Be Dammed, 1551 Rhyme of the Chivalrous Shark, The, 483

IRVING, WASHINGTON Wouter Van Twiller, 109

JOHNSON, CHARLES F. Greco-Trojan Game, The, 595

JOSIAH ALLEN'S WIFE (see MARIETTA HOLLEY)

KAUFFMAN, REGINALD WRIGHT Auto Rubaiyat, The, 546

KELLEY, J. F. Desperate Race, A, 742

KELLY, MYRA Morris and the Honorable Tim, 488

KISER, S. E. Budd Wilkins at the Show, 352 Love Sonnets of an Office Boy, 1056 Meeting, The, 1915 Quarrel, The, 68 When Doctors Disagree, 1762 Yankee Dude'll Do, The, 136

KNOTT, J. PROCTOR Duluth Speech, The, 1606

KOUNTZ, WILLIAM J., JR. ("Billy Baxter") Grand Opera, The, 693

LAIDLAW, A. H. It Is Time to Begin to Conclude, 1294

LAMPTON, WILLIAM J. Critic, The, 1336 New Version, The, 574 Possession, 2000

LANIGAN, GEORGE THOMAS Threnody, A, 1754

LAUGHLIN, E. O. Hired Hand and "Ha'nts", The, 419

LELAND, CHARLES GODFREY Ballad, 355 Breitmann and the Turners, 1217 Breitmann in Politics, 1943 Hans Breitmann's Party, 446 Love Song, 1950

LELAND, HENRY P. Dutchman Who Had the "Small Pox", The, 295

LESLIE, ELIZA Set of China, The, 808

LEWIS, ALFRED HENRY Colonel Sterett's Panther Hunt, 98

LEWIS, CHARLES B. ("M. Quad") Two Cases of Grip, 1239

LOCKE, DAVID ROSS ("Petroleum V. Nasby") Letter, A, 282

LONGFELLOW, HENRY WADSWORTH Notary of Perigueux, The, 1251

LONG, JOHN LUTHER Seffy and Sally, 372

LONGSTREET, A. B. Shooting-Match, The, 666

LOOMIS, CHARLES BATTELL Araminta and the Automobile, 1825 Gusher, The, 1656

LORIMER, GEORGE HORACE Letter from a Self-Made Merchant to His Son, A, 961

LOWELL, JAMES RUSSELL Chief Mate, The, 1482 Courtin', The, 524 What Mr. Robinson Thinks, 131

LUMMIS, CHARLES F. My Cigarette, 1292 Poe-'em of Passion, A, 1879

LYNDE, FRANCIS How Jimaboy Found Himself, 1765

MCHENRY, MAY Melinda's Humorous Story, 975

MCHUGH, HUGH (see George V. Hobart)

MCINTYRE, JOHN T. Talking Horse, The, 1185

MACGOWAN, ALICE Columbia and the Cowboy, 1582

MACGRATH, HAROLD Enchanted Hat, The, 1510

MACAULEY, CHARLES RAYMOND Itinerant Tinker, The, 861

MARBLE, DANFORTH Hoosier and the Salt Pile, The, 357

MASSON, TOM Desolation, 686 Enough, 213 Hard, 1625 It Pays to Be Happy, 1170 Victory, 714

MOODY, WILLIAM VAUGHN Menagerie, The, 24

MORRIS, GEORGE P. Retort, The, 584

MOTT, ED Old Settler, The, 1177

MUNKITTRICK, R. K. April Aria, An, 711 Fate, 1554 Goat, The, 1247 Unsatisfied Yearning, 1835 Winter Dusk, 1975 Winter Fancy, A, 1308

M., C. W. Triolets, 1262

NASBY, PETROLEUM V. (see DAVID ROSS LOCKE)

NAYLOR, JAMES BALL Comin' Home Thanksgivin, 763

NEFF, ELIZABETH HYER Life Elixir of Marthy, The, 1555

NESBIT, WILBUR D. Cry from the Consumer, A, 190 Johnny's Pa, 1802 Odyssey of K's, An, 209 Tale of the Tangled Telegram, The, 1709 "Tiddle-iddle-iddle-iddle-Bum! Bum!", 1202 Ye Legend of Sir Yroncladde, 1973

NICHOLSON, MEREDITH Jack Balcomb's Pleasant Ways, 1300

NOBLE, ALDEN CHARLES Ballade of Ping-Pong, A, 1690 Tragedy of It, The, 194

NYE, EDGAR WILSON ("Bill Nye") Dubious Future, The, 1298 Grains of Truth, 985 Grammatical Boy, The, 16 Great Cerebrator, A, 1784 Guest at the Ludlow, A, 1503 Medieval Discoverer, A, 31

O'CONNELL, DANIEL Drayman, The, 834

O'REILLY, JOHN BOYLE Disappointment, A, 191 Yes, 222

OSBOURNE, LLOYD Jones, 1007

PARTINGTON, MRS. (see B. P. SHILLABER)

PAUL, JOHN (see CHARLES HENRY WEBB)

PECK, SAMUEL MINTURN Little Bopeep and Little Boy Blue, 2015 My Grandmother's Turkey-Tail Fan, 219 My Sweetheart, 544

PHELPS, ELIZABETH STUART (see ELIZABETH STUART PHELPS WARD)

PHOENIX, JOHN (see GEORGE H. DERBY)

PORTER, SYDNEY ("O. Henry") Double-Dyed Deceiver, A, 1927

PRICE, WARWICK S. Is It I, 1447

QUAD, M. (see CHARLES B. LEWIS)

QUICK, HERBERT Martyrdom of Mr. Stevens, The, 1151

RANKIN, CARROLL WATSON Johnny's Lessons, 1570

READ, OPIE Arkansas Planter, An, 556

RICE, WALLACE In Elizabeth's Day, 572 Myopia, 151 Rule of Three, A, 1779

RILEY, JAMES WHITCOMB At Aunty's House, 2007 Bear Story, The, 1047 Champion Checker-Player of Ameriky, The, 156 Dos't o' Blues, 486 Down Around the River, 29 Funny Little Fellow, The, 822 Grandfather Squeers, 1571 Hoss, The, 1759 Little Mock-Man, The, 540 Little Orphant Annie, 444 Lugubrious Whing-Whang, The, 1669 My Philosofy, 1076 My Ruthers, 971 Natural Perversities, 350 Nine Little Goblins, The, 1635 Our Hired Girl, 1888 Ponchus Pilut, 624 Raggedy Man, The, 643 "Ringworm Frank", 395 Runaway Boy, The, 832 Thoughts fer the Discuraged Farmer, 1081 Tree-Toad, The, 418 Up and Down Old Brandywine, 1003 Way It Wuz, The, 261 When the Frost Is on the Punkin, 169

ROBINSON, DOANE One of the Palls, 1601

ROCHE, JAMES JEFFREY Concord Love-Song, A, 1913 V-A-S-E, The, 1603

ROOF, KATHARINE M. Associated Widows, The, 1338

ROSE, RAY CLARKE Simple English, 19

ROSE, WILLIAM RUSSELL Conscientious Curate and the Beauteous Ballet Girl, The, 1756

SABIN, EDWIN L. Her Brother: Enfant Terrible, 2001 Trouble-Proof, 1801

SAXE, JOHN G. Briefless Barrister, The, 585 Comic Miseries, 1121 Coquette, The, 1127 How the Money Goes, 1780 Icarus, 1493 Reflective Retrospect, A, 1703 Teaching by Example, 91

SCOLLARD, CLINTON Bookworm's Plaint, A, 1878 Cavalier's Valentine, A, 1782 Holly Song, 1260 Vive La Bagatelle, 1497

SCUDDER, HORACE E. "As Good as a Play", 749

SHAW, HENRY W. ("Josh Billings") Laffing, 171 Muskeeter, The, 181

SHILLABER, B. P. ("Mrs. Partington") Partingtonian Patchwork, 20

SHUTE, HENRY A. Real Diary of a Real Boy, The, 1881

SILL, EDWARD ROWLAND Eve's Daughter, 1605

SLICK, SAM (see THOMAS C. HALIBURTON)

SMILEY, MAURICE Love Sonnets of a Husband, The, 725

SMITH, CHARLES H. ("Bill Arp") Bill Nations, 1368 Few Reflections, A, 1799 Litigation, 1533 Southern Sketches, 575

SMITH, F. HOPKINSON Chad's Story of the Goose, 993 Colonel Carter's Story of the Postmaster, 1052

SMITH, SEBA ("Major Jack Downing") My First Visit to Portland, 409

SMITH, SOL Bully Boat and a Brag Captain, A, 1208

SOUSA, JOHN PHILIP Feast of the Monkeys, The, 183 Have You Seen the Lady? 821

SPOFFORD, HARRIET PRESCOTT Our Very Wishes, 1637 Tom's Money, 1955

STANTON, FRANK L. Backsliding Brother, The, 1972 Bill's Courtship, 836 Billville Spirit Meeting, The, 188 Boy's View of It, A, 393 Famous Mulligan Ball, The, 1103 His Grandmother's Way, 1901 How I Spoke the Word, 1725 Mister Rabbit's Love Affair, 1887 Old Deacon's Version of the Story of the Rich Man and Lazarus, The, 227 Old-Time Singer, An, 1941 Runaway Toys, The, 1671 Settin' by the Fire, 1821 When the Little Boy Ran Away, 1792

STEDMAN, EDMUND CLARENCE Diamond Wedding, The, 549

STEVENSON, BENJAMIN Evan Anderson's Poker Party, 1737

STINSON, SAM S. Nothin' Done, 1296

STOWE, HARRIET BEECHER Aunt Dinah's Kitchen, 335

STROTHER, B. F. ("Porte Crayon") Loafer and the Squire, The, 767

SUTHERLAND, HOWARD V. Biggs' Bar, 1967 Omar in the Klondyke, 1387

TABB, JOHN B. Beecher Beached, The, 232 Fascination, 222 Plagiarism, 316

TAYLOR, BAYARD Experiences of the A. C., The, 116

TAYLOR, BENJAMIN F. Old-Fashioned Choir, The, 1790

TAYLOR, BERT LESTON Farewell, 969 Kaiser's Farewell to Prince Henry, The, 1568 Miss Legion, 820 Traveled Donkey, A, 428 When the Sirup's on the Flapjack, 1634 Why Wait for Death and Time, 1866

THANET, OCTAVE (see ALICE FRENCH)

THAYER, ERNEST LAWRENCE Casey at the Bat, 1148

THORPE, THOMAS BANGS Piano in Arkansas, A, 895

TOMPKINS, JULIET WILBOR Mother of Four, A, 1976

TOWNSEND, EDWARD W. Cupid, A Crook, 1220

TROWBRIDGE, J. T. Coupon Bonds, The, 654 Darius Green and His Flying-Machine, 1539

TUCKER, MARY F. Going Up and Coming Down, 806

VIELE, HERMAN KNICKERBOCKER Girl from Mercury, The, 779

WARD, ARTEMUS (see CHARLES FARRAR BROWNE)

WARD, ELIZABETH STUART PHELPS Old Maid's House: In Plan, The, 60

WARE, EUGENE F. ("Ironquill") Grizzly-Gru, 174 He and She, 1250 Jackpot, The, 2003 Pass, 91 Reason, The, 1890 Shining Mark, A, 1877 Siege of Djklxprwbz, 1246 Whisperer, The, 1822

WARNER, ANNE (see ANNE WARNER FRENCH)

WARNER, CHARLES DUDLEY Garden Ethics, 425

WATERLOO, STANLEY Apostasy of William Dodge, The, 1084

WATERMAN, NIXON Cheer for the Consumer 740

WEBB, CHARLES HENRY ("John Paul") Abou Ben Butler, 1167 Dictum Sapienti, 1624 Dum Vivimus Vigilamus, 2005 Lost Word, The, 293 Talk, 1307 What She Said About It, 1263

WELLS, CAROLYN Economical Pair, The, 602 Experiences of Gentle Jane, 1797 How to Know the Wild Animals, 650 Maxioms, 424 Our Polite Parents, 1688 Stage Whispers, 195 Suppressed Chapters, 817 Turnings of a Bookworm, The, 182 Two Automobilists, The, 573 Two Brothers, The, 281 Two Business Men, The, 583 Two Farmers, The, 258 Two Housewives, The, 566 Two Husbands, The, 587 Two Ladies, The, 548 Two New Houses, The, 221 Two Pedestrians, The, 603 Two Prisoners, The, 641 Two Suitors, The, 229 Two Young Men, The, 565 Wild Animals I Have Met, 414

WETHERILL, J. K. Unconscious Humor, 998

WHICHER, FRANCES M. ("Widow Bedott") Hezekiah Bedott's Opinion. 1893 Widow Bedott's Visitor, The, 1660

WHITMAN, WALT Boston Ballad, A, 1479

WHITTIER, JOHN GREENLEAF Demon of the Study, The, 1869

WISTER, OWEN In a State of Sin, 696

YBARRA, THOMAS Lay of Ancient Rome, A, 2013



Breezy Glimpses into the Heart of Bohemia

"The author gets at the intimate secrets, the subtle charm of the Quarter. A spirit of gaiety runs through the book."—Phila. Press.

By F. BERKELEY SMITH

Author of "How Paris Amuses Itself"

The Real Latin Quarter

In these captivating and realistic sketches, the reader is taken into the very heart of Bohemia and shown the innermost life and characters in this little world of art and amusement. The author pictures with brush, pen, and camera every nook and corner of the Quarter with such light and vivid touches that the reader is made to feel the very spirit, breathe the very atmosphere within these fascinating precincts. We look down upon the giddy whirl of the "Bal Bullier," enjoy a cozy breakfast at "Lavenue's," stroll through the Luxembourg Gardens, peep into studios and little corners known only to the initiated, mingle with the throng of models, grisettes, students, and artists on "Boul Miche" and in a hundred other ways see and enjoy this unconventional center.

"A True Picture," Say the Artists

Charles Dana Gibson: "It is like a trip to Paris."

John W. Alexander: "It is the real thing."

Frederic Remington: "You have left nothing undone."

Ernest Thompson Seton: "A true picture of the Latin Quarter as I knew it."

A Richly Made Book

Watcrcolor Frontispiece by F. Hopkinson Smith. About 100 original drawings and camera snap shots by the Author, and two caricatures in color by the celebrated French caricaturist Sancha. 12mo, Cloth. Price, $1.20, post-paid.

FUNK & WAGNALLS COMPANY, PUBS., NEW YORK



Within the Gates of the Kingdom of Fun

"If you wish to thoroughly soak yourself with the concentrated essence of enjoyment, read this book quickly. It is too good to miss."—The Philadelphia Item.

How Paris Amuses Itself

By F. BERKELEY SMITH

Author of "The Real Latin Quarter"

This jolly, handsome book is the very incarnation of that spirit of amusement which reigns supreme in the capital of the world's fun. The author unites the graphic skill of the artist, the infectious enthusiasm of the lover of fun and gaiety, and the intimate personal knowledge of the long-time resident in this great playground of the world. In spirit the reader can visit with a delightful comrade all the nooks of jollity known only to the initiated, enjoy all the sparkle and glitter of the ever-moving panorama of gaiety, and become a part of the merry throng.

"It is the gayest book of the season and is as handsome mechanically as it is interesting as a narrative. The sparkle, the glow, the charm of the risque, the shimmer of silks, and the glint of jewels—are all so real and apparent."—Buffalo Courier.

"The very spirit of modern Paris is prisoned in its text."—Life.

"There is about the whole book that air of light-heartedness and frolic which is essentially Parisian. This book is a book for everybody—those who know Paris and those who do not know it."—North American, Philadelphia.

135 Captivating Pictures

Six in colors, 16 full-page half-tone inserts, 58 full-page text drawings, 55 half-page and smaller text drawings by the author and several French artists, including Galaniz, Sancha, Cardona, Sunyer, Michael, Perenet, and Pezilla.

12mo, Cloth, Handsome Cover Design, $1.50, Post-paid.

FUNK & WAGNALLS COMPANY, PUBS., NEW YORK



The Breeziest Books on Parisian Life

"For delightful reading one can turn with pleasant anticipations certain of fulfilment to F. Berkeley Smith's triology of books on Paris life, 'The Real Latin Quarter' and 'How Paris Amuses Itself,' and the latest volume just out, 'Parisians Out of Doors.'"—Burlington Hawk Eye.

Parisians Out of Doors

By F. BERKELEY SMITH

Author of "How Paris Amuses Itself" and "The Real Latin Quarter"

"It is a kaleidoscopic miscellany of anecdote, grave and gay; brief bits of biography and impressionistic portrayal of types, charming glimpses into Parisian life and character, and, above all, descriptions of the city's chief, and, to outward view, sole occupation—the art of enjoying oneself. Tourists have learned that Mr. Smith is able to initiate them into many mysteries uncatalogued or only guardedly hinted at by more staidly respectable and professional guides."—The Globe, New York.

"Smith's delightfully sympathetic Paris [Parisians Out of Doors] would make a wooden Indian part with his cigars."—Frederic Remington.

"Naturally, these scenes and places and the persons who add the living touches to the pictures are described from the viewpoint of one who knows them well, for Mr. Smith holds the world of Paris in the hollow of his hand. This is an ideal book for summer reading."—New York Press.

12mo, cloth, handsome binding, illustrated with drawings by the author and several French artists, and water-color frontispiece by F. Hopkinson Smith $1.50 post-paid.

FUNK & WAGNALLS COMPANY, PUBS., NEW YORK



"Mr. Smith does not go sightseeing in the accepted sense of the word. It is not the museums and historical places in which he is interested, but the people themselves, and he gets many a view of which the hurried tourist is altogether ignorant."—Brooklyn Citizen.

In London Town

By F. BERKELEY SMITH

Illustrated by the Author and other Artists

"The charm of this book lies in its breezy talk, its naive descriptions and its plenitude of atmosphere. It certainly is a most charming book and the reader will have a good time 'In London Town' if he goes with the author."—Philadelphia Inquirer.

"Everyday life and the living of it after British standards are what Mr. Smith sought and here reveals. He could not write an unreadable book, this American artist. It is all interesting that he has to tell of London Town."—San Francisco Bulletin.

"The author conscientiously looks for the picturesque and he does much to show the brighter side of English life, for he writes in a light, bright, gay style that catches and holds the attention wherever one may open the book. Indeed he gives a true idea of the real life of the Londoner as few travellers would be apt to obtain unaided."—Columbus (O.) State Journal.

"Candor is the prevailing note in this beautiful volume. There is nothing of the guide book spirit about it. It is bright, replete with anecdotes and a moving picture of wonderful London. London's labors, its pictures and its characteristics are shown in breezy fashion and even English cooking and London's kitchens come in for cheery comment. It is a refreshing book charmingly exhilarating."—Philadelphia Record.

London Sketched with Brush and Pen: "He has studied London with a trained intelligence, observed it with an artist's eye, and then gives us a traveller's impression in a graceful, literary way."—Chicago Tribune.

"It is brilliantly written. The glimpses of London which he gives are not at all like anything we are accustomed to in descriptions of London—herein lies the charm of Mr. Smith's book. He knows London quite as well as any American. It is a thoroughly delightful narrative—a pleasant and entertaining story, gracefully written, picturesque, and wholly original in inspiration and treatment."—Brooklyn Eagle.

12 mo. Cloth, Illustrated, $1.50, Post-paid.

FUNK & WAGNALLS COMPANY, PUBLISHERS

NEW YORK AND LONDON



ALONG THE BEAUTIFUL ADRIATIC JUST BEFORE THE WAR BEGAN

Delightful Dalmatia

By ALICE LEE MOQUE

One of the most refreshing volumes written in years—a live, snappy, rollicking tale of experiences aboard and ashore in the most delightful piece of Southern Europe—along the Adriatic.

Its pages breathe the very spirit of everything that goes to make Dalmatia delightful. Story, anecdote—ancient or legendary—beautiful cities, old churches, countless architectural and other ancient treasures, etc., etc., pervade its pages in entertaining variety.

The book is timely for its descriptions of places already in the wake of war; among these is Cattaro, the recently bombarded fortification on the Adriatic. Unusually attractive is the great scenic and historic interest attaching to Pola, Sebenico, Gravossa, Spalato, Ragusa, etc.

Cloth bound, 362 pages. Profusely illustrated in color and half-tone. $2.00, net; by mail, $2.16

FUNK & WAGNALLS COMPANY, Publishers NEW YORK and LONDON



THE STORY OF OUR PEOPLE AND LANDS IN THE NEAR PACIFIC

From the descriptions and beautiful illustrations one seems to be transported to the shores of sweet breezes and lofty peaks—the paradise of the Pacific.

HAWAII:

Our New Possessions

By John R. Musick

The true and wonderful story of Hawaii—"the paradise of the Pacific"—as it has been and as it is to-day. It tells all about the interesting people—their customs, traditions, etc.; the nature wonders—volcanoes, fertile valleys, etc.; governmental changes, etc.

Elegantly and Profusely Illustrated

with many beautiful half-tone illustrations, adorned with tasteful border decorations by PHILIP E. FLINTOFF, besides thirty-four artistic pen sketches by FREELAND A. CARTER.

HIGHLY COMMENDED

"A perusal of the book, next to a personal visit, will best afford one a clear understanding and appreciation of our new possessions."—St. Louis Globe-Democrat.

"With the great interest that is now felt in this region, the appearance of the book is exceedingly timely."—Hartford Courant.

"By far the handsomest and most delightful work on this subject ever published."—Philadelphia Item.

8vo, 546 pages. 56 full-page half-tone plates. Also with map. Cloth, $2.75. Half-Morocco, gilt edges, $4.00

FUNK & WAGNALLS COMPANY, Publishers

NEW YORK and LONDON

THE END

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