"Thus they've caught and killed scores, and I never could learn, That a mouse who once entered did ever return." Let young people mind what the old people say, And, when danger is near them keep out of the way.
[Page 186—Mixed Animal Land]
The Fox and the Cat
The fox and the cat as they travelled one day, With moral discourses cut shorter on the way: "'Tis great," says the fox, "to make justice our guide!" "How godlike is mercy!" Grimalkin replied.
Whilst thus they proceeded, a wolf from the wood, Impatient of hunger, and thirsting for blood, Rushed forth—as he saw the dull shepherd asleep— And seized for his supper an innocent sheep.
"In vain, wretched victim, for mercy you bleat; When mutton's at hand," says the wolf, "I must eat." Grimalkin's astonished—the fox stood aghast, To see the fell beast at his bloody repast.
"What a wretch!" says the cat—"'tis the vilest of brutes; Does he feed upon flesh when there's herbage and roots?" Cries the fox, "While our oaks give us acorns so good, What a tyrant is this to spill innocent blood!"
Well, onward they marched, and they moralised still. Till they came where some poultry picked chaff by a mill. Sly Reynard surveyed the them with gluttonous eyes, And made, spite of morals, a pullet his prize! A mouse, too, that chanced from her covert to stray, The greedy Grimalkin secured as her prey!
A spider that sat in her web on the wall, Perceived the poor victims, and pitied their fall; She cried, "Of such murders how guiltless am I!" So ran to regale on a new-taken fly!
A fox was trotting one day, And just above his head He spied a vine of luscious grapes, Rich, ripe, and purple-red.
Eager he tried to snatch the fruit, But, ah! it was too high; Poor Reynard had to give it up, And, heaving a deep sigh,
He curl'd his nose and said, "Dear me! I would not waste an hour Upon such mean and common fruit— I'm sure those grapes are sour!"
'Tis thus we often wish thro' life, When seeking wealth and pow'r And when we fall, say, like the fox, We're "sure the grapes are sour!"
The Fox and the Mask
A fox walked round a toyman's shop (How he came there, pray do not ask), But soon he made a sudden stop, To look and wonder at a mask.
The mask was beautiful and fair, A perfect mask as e'er was made; At which a lady meant to wear At the ensuing masquerade.
He turned it round with much surprise, To find it prove so light and thin; "How strange!" astonished Reynard cries, "Here's mouth and nose, and eyes and chin.
"And cheeks and lips, extremely pretty; And yet, one thing there still remains To make it perfect—what a pity, So fine a head should have no brains!"
Thus, to some boy or maiden pretty; Who to get learning takes no pains, May we exclaim, "Ah! what a pity, So fine a head should have no brains!"
The Fox and Crow
In a dairy a crow, Having ventured to go, Some food for her young ones to seek, Flew up in the trees With a fine piece of cheese, Which she joyfuly held in her beak.
A fox who lived by, To the tree saw her fly, And to share in the prize he made a vow, For, having just dined, He for cheese felt inclined, So he went and sat under the bough.
She was cunning he knew, But so was he, too, And with flattery adapted his plan; For he knew if she'd speak, It must fall from his beak, So, bowing politely, began:
"'Tis a very fine day," (Not a word did she say), "The wind, I believe, ma'am, is south: A fine harvest for peas;" He then looked at the cheese, But the crow did not open her mouth.
Sly Reynard, not tired, He plumage admired: "How charming! how brilliant its hue! The voice must be fine Of a bird so divine, Ah, let me hear it, pray do.
Believe me I long To hear a sweet song;" The silly crow foolishly tries; She scarce gave one squall, When the cheese she let fall, And the fox ran away with the prize.
The Blind Men and the Elephant (A Hindoo Fable)
It was six men of Indostan To learning much inclined, Who went to see an elephant, (Though all of them were blind), That each by observation Might satisfy his mind.
The FIRST approached the Elephant, And happening to fall Against his broad and sturdy side, At once began to bawl: "God bless me!—but the Elephant Is very like a wall!"
The SECOND feeling of the tusk, Cried: "Ho! what have we here So very round and smooth and sharp! To me 'tis mighty clear This wonder of an Elephant Is very like a spear!"
The THIRD approached the animal, And happening to take The squirming trunk within his hands, This boldly up and spake: "I see," quoth he, "The Elephant Is very like a snake!"
The FOURTH reached out his eager hand, And felt about the knee, "What most this wondrous beast is like Is mighty plain," quoth he; "'Tis clear enough the Elephant Is very like a tree!"
The FIFTH, who chanced to touch the ear, Said: "E'n the blindest man Can tell what this resembles most, Deny the fact who can, This marvel of an Elephant Is very like a fan."
The SIXTH no sooner had begun About the beast to grope, Than, seizing on the swinging tail That fell within his scope, "I see," quoth he, "the Elephant Is very like a rope!"
And so these men of Indostan Disputed loud and long, Each in his own opinion Exceeding stiff and strong, Though each was partly in the right, And all were in the wrong.
[Page 187—Mixed Animal Land]
An Address to a Mouse
Sly little, cowering, timorous beastie! Oh what a panic's in thy breastie! You need not start away so hasty, With bickering speed: I should be loth to run and chase thee I should indeed!
I'm truly sorry man's dominion Hath broken Nature's social union, And justifies that ill opinion Which makes thee startle At me, thy poor earth-born companion, And fellow mortal.
Sometimes, I doubt not, thou dost thieve; What then? poor beastie, thou must live; A little barley in the shieve Is small request; And all thou tak'st, I do believe, Will ne'er be missed.
Song of the Toad
I am an honest toad, Living here by the road; Beneath a stone I dwell, In a snug little cell.
When the rain patters down, I let it wet my crown; And now and then I sip A drop with my lip.
And now a catch a fly, And now I wink my eye, And now I take a hop, And now and then I stop.
And this is all I do, And yet they sat it's true That the toad's face is sad, And his bite is very bad.
Oh! naughty folks they be Who tell such tales of me! For I'm an honest toad Just living by the road, Hip, hip, hop.
In a summer's night I take my flight To where the maidens repose; And while they are slumbering sweet and sound, I bite them on the nose; The warm red blood that tints their cheeks, To me is precious dear, For 'tis my delight to buzz and bite In the season of the year.
When I get my fill, I wipe my bill, And sound my tiny horn; And off I fly to mountain high Ere breaks the golden morn; But at eve I sally forth again To tickle the sleeper's ear; For 'tis my delight to buzz and bite In the season of the year.
On the chamber wall about I crawl, Till landlord goes to bed; Then my bugle I blow, and down I go To light upon his head. Oh, I love to see the fellow slap, And regret to hear him swear; For 'tis my delight to buzz and bite In the season of the year.
The Nightingale and Glow-worm
A Nightingale, that all day long Had cheered the village with his song, Nor yet at eve his note suspended, Nor yet when eventide was ended, Began to feel—as well he might— The keen demands of appetite; When looking eagerly around, He spied, far off, upon the ground, A something shining in the dark, And knew the glow-worm by his spark; So; stooping down, from hawthorn top, He thought to put him in his crop The worm, aware of his intent, Harangued him this, quite eloquent— "Did you admire my lamp," quoth he, "As much as I your minstrelsy? You would abhor to do me wrong, As much as I to spoil your song; For 'twas the self-same power divine Taught you to sing, and me to shine: That you with music, I with light, Might beautify and cheer the night." The songster heard his short oration, And, warbling out his approbation, Released him as my story tells, And found a supper somewhere else.
Beneath this hedge, or near the stream, A worm is known to stray, That shows by night a lucid stream That disappears by day.
Disputes have been, and still prevail, From whence his rays proceed; Some give the honor to his tail, And others to his head;
But this is sure—the hand of might That kindles up the skies, Gives him a modicum of light, Proportion'd to his size.
Perhaps indulgent Nature meant, By such a lamp bestow'd, To bid the traveller as he went, Be careful where he trod.
Happiness of the Grasshopper
Happy insect! what can be In happiness compared with thee! Fed with nourishment divine, The dewy morning's gentle wine; Nature waits upon thee still, And thy verdant cup does fill. All the fields which thou dost see, All the plants belong to thee: All that summer hours produce, Fertile made with easy juice; The country hinds with gladness hear, Prophet of the ripened year!
Warm and buoyant, in his oily mail, Gambols on seas of ice th' unwieldily whale; Wide waving fins round boating islands urge His bulk gigantic through the troubled surge; With hideous yawn, the flying shoals he seeks, Or clasps with fringe of horn his massy cheeks; Lifts o'er the tossing wave his nostril bare, And spouts the watery columns into air; The silvery arches catch the setting beams, And transient rainbows tremble o'er the streams.
The wasp and the Bee
A wasp met a bee that was just buzzing by, And he said "Little Cousin, can you tell me why You are loved so much better by people than I.
"My back shines as bright, and as yellow as gold And my shape is most elegant too to behold, And yet nobody likes me for that, I am told," Bz.
"Ah! Cousin," the bee said, "'tis all very true, But if I were half as much mischief to do, Then I'm sure they would love me no better than you. Bz.
"You have a fine shape and a delicate wing, And they say you are handsome; but then there's one thing They never can put up with; and that is your sting. Bz.
"My coat is quite homely and plain, as you see, But yet no one is angry or scolding at me, Just because I'm a harmless and busy bee." Bz.
From this little story let people beware, For if, like the cross wasp, ill-natured they are, They will never be loved, though they're ever so fair.
I bring my little doggies milk; I bring my rabbits hay; I feed and tend, and love them well— Such helpless things are they! See! now in soft and cozy bed They roll about and play; They've milk and bones, and all they want— Such happy pets are they!
[Page 188—Squirrel Land]
I'm a merry, merry squirrel, All day I leap and whirl Through my home in the old beech-tree If you chase me I will run In the shade and in the sun; But you never, never can catch me For round a bough I'll creep, Playing hide and seek so sly; Or through the leaves bo-peep, With my little shining eye.
Up and down I run and frisk, With my bushy tail to whisk All who mope in the old beech-trees. How droll to see the owl As I make him wink and growl, While his sleepy, sleepy head I tease! And I waken up the bat, Who flies off with a scream, For he thinks that I'm the cat Pouncing on him, in his dream.
Through all the summer long I never want a song From birds in the old beech-trees I have singers all the night, And with the morning bright Come my busy, humming, fat, brown bees. When I've nothing else to do With the nursing birds I sit; And we laugh at the cuckoo A-coo-cooing to her tit!
When winter comes with snow An its cruel tempests blow All my leaves from the old beech-trees, Then beside the wren and mouse I furnish up a house, Where, like a prince, I live at ease. What care I for hail or sleet, With my cozy cap and coat; And my tail about my feet, Or wrapped about my throat?
Ducks and Ducklings
One little white duck, One little grey, Six little black ducks Running out to play; One white lady-duck, Motherly and trim, Eight little baby ducks Bound for a swim.
One little white duck Running from the water, One very fat duck— Pretty little daughter— One little grey duck Holding up its wings. One little bobbing duck Making water rings.
One little black duck Standing on a stone, One little grey duck Swimming all alone, One little grey duck Holding down it's head. One sleepy little duck, It has gone to bed!
One little what duck Running to its mother, Look among the water-reeds, May be there's another. One hungry little duck Going out to dine, Two dainty little ducks, Snowy-white and fine.
Merry little brown eyes O'er the picture linger, Point all the ducks out, Chubby little finger; Make the picture musical, Merry little shout; Now where's that other duck? What is he about?
I thank that other duck Is the nicest duck of all, He hasn't any feathers, And his mouth is sweet and small; He runs with a light step And jumps upon my knee, And though he cannot swim He is very dear to me.
One white lady-duck, Motherly and trim, Eight little baby ducks Bound for a swim; One sleepy little duck Taking quite a nap, One precious little duck Here on mother's lap.
The pretty red squirrel Lives up in a tree, A little blithe creature As ever can be; He dwells in the boughs Where the stock-dove broods, Far in the shades Of the green summer woods;
His food is the young Juicy cones of the pine, And the milky beech-nut Is his bread and his wine. In the joy of his nature He frisks with a bound To the topmost twigs, And then down to the ground.
Then up again like A winged thing, And from tree to tree With a vaulting spring; Then he sits up aloft, And looks ragged and queer, As if he would say: "Ay, follow me here!"
And then he grows pettish, And stamps his foot; And then with a chatter, He cracks his nut; And thus he lives All the long summer through, Without either a care Or a thought of rue.
The Mountain and the Squirrel
The mountain and the squirrel Had a quarrel, And the former called the latter "Little Prig;" Bun replied, "You are doubtless very big, But all sorts of things and weather Must be taken together To make up a year, And a sphere. And I think it no disgrace To occupy my place. If I'm not so large as you, You are not so small as I. And not half so spry; I'll not deny you make A very pretty squirrel track. Talents differ; all is well and wisely put; If I cannot carry forests on my back, Neither can you crack an nut!"
R. W. Emerson
[Page 189—Wonderful Bird Nests]
Wonderful Birds' Nests
[Page 190—Cole's Poems On Books]
What Books Do For Mankind
Books should be found in every house, To form and feed the mind; They are the best of luxuries To happify mankind.
For all good books throughout the world Are man's most precious treasure; They make him wise, and bring him His best, his choicest pleasure.
Books make his time pass happily, Relieve his weary hours; Amuse, compose, instruct his mind; Enlarge his mental powers.
Books teach the boys and girls of earth In quite ten million schools; Books make the difference between Earth's learned and its fools.
Books teach earth's teeming artisans The proper way to take, To find, to plan, to build, to mix, And every product make.
Books teach schoolmasters, clergymen, Of every rank and grade; And doctors, lawyers, judges, too— Books are their tools of trade.
Books thus, by print, and pictures, bring The whole world into view, And show what all men think about, And everything they do.
Books give to man the history Of each and every land; Books show him human actions past, The bad, the good, the grand.
Books show him human arts and laws Of every time and place; Books show the learnings and the faiths Of all the human race.
Books give the best and greatest thoughts Of all the good and wise; Books treasure human knowledge up, And thus it never dies.
Books show men all that men have done, Have thought, have sung, have said, Books show the deeds and wisdom of The living and the dead.
Books show that mankind's leading faiths, In morals are the same; That in their main essentials They differ but in name.
Books show that virtue, goodness, love, Exist in every land; That some with kindly sympathies Are found on every strand.
Books show the joys, griefs, hopes and fears, Of every race and clan; Books show, by unity of thought, The brotherhood of man.
Books thus will cause the flag of peace Through earth to be unfurled— Produce "the parliament of man," And federate the world.
Books give the reader vast delight, The bookless never know; Books give him pleasure, day and night, Wherever he may go.
Books show narcotics, toxicants, Of each and every kind; Insidious destroyers all, Of body and of mind.
Books, like strong drink, will drowns man's cares But do not waste his wealth; Books leave him better, drink the worse, In character and health.
Books teach and please him when a child, In youth and in his prime; Books give him soothing pleasure when His health and strength decline.
Books teach, from their beginning, of Higher beings than man; That One Almighty Goodness was Before the world began.
Books give us hope beyond the grave, Of an immortal life; Books teach that right, and truth, and love, Shall banish every strife.
Books therefore are, of all we own, The choicest things on earth; Books have, of all our worldly goods, The most intrinsic worth.
Books are the greatest blessing brought, The grandest thing we sell; Books bring more joy, Books do more good, Than mortal tongue can tell.
[Page 191—Comic Advertiser]
Cole's Comic Advertiser (Or Fun Doctor's Assistant)
Laughter as a Medicine.
"The physician tells us of the physical benefits of laughing. There is not the remotest corner or little inlet of the minute blood-vessels of the human body that does not feel some wavelet from the convulsion occasioned by good hearty laughter. The life principle, or the central man, is shaken to the innermost depths, sending new tided of life and strength to the surface, thus materially tending to insure good health to persons who indulge therein. The blood moves more rapidly, and conveys a different impression to all the organs of the body, as it visits them on that particular mystic journey when the man is laughing, from what it does at other times. For this reason every good, hearty laugh in which a person indulges lengthens his life, conveying as it does a new and distinct stimulus to the vital forces."
"Fun is worth more than physic, and whoever invents or discovers a new supply deserves the name of public benefactor."
Man Made to Laugh, not to Morn.
Man warnt made tew mourn, man waz made tew laff. He iz the onla creeter or thing that God made tew laff out loud. It iz true he knows how to mourn, do duz animills know how, the birds kan tell their sorrows, and the flowers kan hang their pretty heds. Man was made tew smile, tew laff, to haw! tew throw up his hat, and sing halleluger. Man was made tew praze God, and he can't dew it by mourning. Awl the mourning there iz in this wurld was introduced bi man; man warnt made tew mourn any more than he was made to crawl. Tharfore i sa tew awl men and women, stop crying and go tew laffing, you will last longer, and git fatter, and stand just as good a chanse tew git tew heaven with a smile on your countenance as yu will with yure face leaking at every pore.—Josh Billings
Josh Billing's Prayer.
"From a wife who don't luv us, from fluky mutton, and tite butes, and from folks who won't laff, good Lord deliver us."
[Page 192—Comic Advertiser]
Testimonials to the astonishing Curing Power of Cole's Fun Doctor.
Most Astonishing Cure of the Age
Dear Sir—Many years ago it was my misfortune to be jilted in love by a cruel-hearted woman. I pined away, and fell into a bad state of health, and was advised by my friends to take some physic. I never took a single dose except somebody told me that it was exactly what I wanted to make me well—but it all did me no good. I only got worse until I came across the right thing, which I will presently describe. I find, in looking over my paid bills, the following are the kinds and quantities of physic I have used during my illness:— Holloway's Pills, 227 boxes; Cockle's Pills, 121 boxes, Beecham's Pills, 80 boxes; Parr's Life Pills, 76 boxes, Blue Pills, 849 boxes. One friend advised me to give up Pills and take some good old-fashioned physic. I took of Jalap, 37 pounds; Caster Oil; 180 bottles, Salts and Senna, 800 doses; Rhubarb and Magnesia, 300 doses; Brimstone and Treacle, 800 doses—but this did me no good. Another friend advised me to take some world-fames patent medicines, so I took of Eno's Fruit Salt 190 bottles, Warner's Safe Cure, 200 bottles; Townsend's Sarsaparilla, 120 bottles; Hop Bitters, 180 bottles; Dandelion Ale, two hogsheads. I took Hayter's Nerve Tonic, Hayter's Blood purifier, Hayter's Invigorator, and Hayter's Pick-Me-Up, of each 100 bottles; and Wolfe's Schnapps, 630 bottles— but I felt no better. Another friend came along, and said for my complaint it was no use taking medicines internally, and I must use the "Rub On Remedies," so I rubbed on Holloway's Ointment, 241 boxes; Davis's Pain Killer, 70 bottles; Moulton's Pain Paint, 60 bottles; St. Jacob's oil, Weston's Wizard Oil, and Croton Oil, of each 100 bottles: and of Eucalyptus Oil, 900 quart bottles—but I felt no better. Another friend advised the Herb Cure, so I took strong decoctions of Chamomile, Pennyroyal, Peppermint, Rue, Tansy, Quassia, Horehound, Wormwood, Aconite, Belladonna, Hemlock, Nux Vomica, Lungwort, Liverwort, Moonwort, Sneezewort, and Snakeweed—altogether I took about 1700 quarts of these horrid decoctions—but I felt no better. Another friend told me my stomach was out of order, and required cleansing, so I took of Ipecacuanha Wine 139 quarts—but this did not cure me. Another friend said all diseases come from insects, and I had insects in me, and must take special medicine for them, so I took of Keating's insecticide 730 packets—but got no better. Another friend advised me to try Homoeopathy. I took 111 tubes of pilules and 80 bottles of tinctures—but they did me no good. Another friend advised me to try the water cure. I took cold baths, warm baths, tepid baths, and Turkish baths in hundreds, and drank about twenty hogsheads of mineral waters—but it did me no good. Another friend advised the Acid Cure, so I took Acetic Acid, Muriatic Acid, Nitric Acid, Sulphuric Acid, Oxalic Acid, and Prussic Acid, of each about twenty quarts—but got no better. Another friend advised Soothing Medicines, so I took over 400 of Steedman's Soothing powders, and 130 bottles of Mother Winslow's Soothing Syrup—but I was still irritable and nervous. My last course of medicine consisted of Steel Drops, Balm of Gilead, Turpentine, Chloroform, Cod Liver Oil, Assafoetida, Spanish Flies, and Cayenne Pepper—about fifteen pounds of each—but it all did me no good. I simply got worse and worse, and was reduced to a mere shadow of skin and bone, but, as luck would have it, another friend came along—a true friend this time—and suggested Cole's FUN DOCTOR. I got it, and was well and stout in a Week, at a cost of 1s 6d.
Sworn at Temple Court, and Signed in Everlasting Gratitude, Government House, Melbourne JOHN SMITH
[Page 193—Comic Advertiser]
A man on a train was heard to groan so frightfully that the passengers took pity on him, and one of them gave him a drink out of a whisky flask. "Do you feel better?" asked the giver. "I do," said he who had groaned. "What ailed you anyway?" "Ailed me?" "Yes; what made you groan so?" "Groan! Great Land o'Goshen! I was singing!" The generous man will never quite cease to regret the loss of that drink of whisky.
Cole's Book Arcade. Cole's Book Arcade, it is in Melbourne town, Of all the book stores in this land, it has the most renown.
TUNE: All the Tunes there are mixed.
[Page 194—Comic Advertiser]
Going To Cole's Book Arcade, Melbourne
All the way from Persia on this bicycle.
Why are these two nice children like thousands of knowledge-loving individuals? Because they frequently visit Cole's Book Arcade.
Guess where this young gentleman is going? To Cole's book arcade. Right. You're a Witch.
[Page 195—Comic Advertiser]
[Page 196—Wonderful Sea Serpent]
The Sea-Serpent as a Carrier
The world-renowned sea-serpent has been specially chartered to bring a fresh supply of books every week from England to Cole's Book Arcade, Melbourne; and also to show upon the coils of his body 2000 rainbows, being so many copies of that establishment. The sea-serpent, upon being communicated with, demanded a heavy price for his services, but Mr. Cole agreed to his terms, as he considered that 2000 of his rainbow signs travelling round the world on the sides of the famous sea-serpent would be a good advertisement for the Book Arcade.
True History of the Great Sea Serpent
John Smith, the sea-serpent, was born in a swamp near Sydney, about 5000 years ago. He was hatched by a female Bunyip from an immense three cornered egg, which is supposed to have fallen out of the moon, and he is the only sea-serpent that ever existed. He never had relations, and is the only being in the world of whom the verse is true. He never had a father. He never had a mother. He never had a sister. He never had a brother. He also never had a wife. He is of a very shy disposition, and many fascinating mermaids have made love to him, and practiced all their well-known wiles upon him—but in vain: he is a bachelor still. Like some other animals mentioned in history, he thinks and talks like a man. He is exceedingly intelligent, and seems to have as much sense as 20,000 ordinary men or 21,000 women. He can sing with a voice of tremendous compass, from the sweet piping of a nightingale down to far below the deepest tones of the largest organ, or the noise made by discharges of artillery. Sometimes when he sings it shakes the ground for miles around, and if at sea causes a storm. His favourite songs are "A Life on the Ocean Wave," "What are the Wild Waves Saying," "Down by the Deep Sad Sea," and such like. He plays all the musical instruments in the world. His whistle can be heard a distance of 100 miles, his shout 50 miles, and his whisper 10 miles. Of course, in an active life of 5000 years, a life almost as long as some Hindoo patriarchs, he has seen and heard, and done, many astonishing things. He relates that he once rescued a travelling menagerie at sea, he swallowed the whole lot of animals, and the woman in charge of them, let them roam about inside of him and enjoy themselves, and then landed them safely on dry land at the end of 48 hours. He says that he was in Arabia, and saw that remarkable occurrence of the moon coming down and going into Mahomet's sleeves, and there and then he objected to the whole proceeding. The sea-serpent is 15 miles long and 50 feet in diameter, his skin is of a horny nature, but harder than steel, and about 5 feet thick. He travels at the rate of 200 miles per hour, and can carry 120 times as much as the "Great Eastern." If he was coming up to the Queen's Wharf, Melbourne, when his head was at the wharf, his body would reach right down the River Yarra out in the Bay past Williamstown, and the Traffic would have to be stopped in the river whilst he was unloading. The sea-serpent is rather a large eater. Since he reached full growth, namely, for the last 4000 years, he has swallowed a whole whale every morning for breakfast except once. The reason of his going without his breakfast that once is explained in the following manner:—
The reader will remember the account of Jonah and the Whale in the Talmud. It states that when Jonah was in the whale's belly, it went out of the Mediterranean right around Africa into the Red Sea, and that Jonah looked out through the eyes of the whale and saw the place where the children of Israel crossed the Red Sea. The sea-serpent states that he can corroborate this piece of history, as he happened to be after that very whale for breakfast when he saw Jonah looking out through its eyes. He says he did not swallow that whale, as he had found that the whales which he had previously swallowed with prophets inside of them did not agree with him, and consequently he had to go that morning without his breakfast, the first time in 4000 years. Those who want any further information about the famous sea-serpent can acquire it at Cole's Book Arcade, Melbourne, or come and interview and question the sea-serpent himself when he arrives.
P.S.—Some people don't believe in the existence of the sea-serpent, but if he did not exist how could we have got his likeness and his history? That's a question for the unbelievers to answer.
[Page 197—Funny and Foolish Dress Land]
A Servant Girl dressed in four absurdities of fashion—a Tight Corset, Tight High-heeled Boots, a Bustle Improver, and Fifteen-button Gloves.
She appears very conceited, but with her tight-lacing must feel very uncomfortable and unwell, and wall sensible people must feel that she is very silly, and with her absurd boots her feet must pain her almost as much as the Chinese woman's shown above [right] pained her when first compressed.
European Woman with her Waist Fashionably Tightened to 15 inches. Chinese Woman with her Feet Fashionably Compressed to 3 inches. Long-Nailed Fashion of an Annamese Noble, and a Marquesian Chief. Chinese Ladies' Fashionable Pinched Feet and Shoes, shewing also deplorable foolishness in China.
Old English Fashions, showing our ancestors were as foolish as we are.
Costume of an Ancient Greek Youth, very easy, elegant and suitable for a Lady's Reform Dress. This is a much more sensible dress than the one opposite it [servant girl] and the two below it—look at them.
Crinoline, 1859. The Dog has got through all right, but how will the lady manage.
Crinoline, 1859. Coach licensed to carry four. The coachman and the horse are both wondering how it can be done.
[Page 198—Funny and Foolish Dress Land]
[Page 199—Funny, Foolish, and Useful Fashions]
A British Lady and the Chinese Ambassador's Wife and Daughter at the Queen's First Drawing Room, Buckingham Palace, 1893.
The Chinese ladies are dressed more rationally, but the have such fashionably small feet that they have to lean against the table to enable them to stand with safety. The European lady and the Asiatic ladies are each alike martyrs to foolish fashion, one with the waist and the other with the feet.
"Mother, do put on a shawl, please, before you go down." "Why, Sonnie?" "Oh, because some one's is sure to see you if you go down like that!"
[Page 200—Useful Fashions]
[Page 201—Funny, Foolish, and Useful Fashions]
Ashamed to show his face. A few frivolous fops and other foolish men still wear corsets.
[Page 202—Boy Smoking]
Boy's First Smoke. Enjoying the Tobacco Poison.
Shortly Afterwards. Suffering from the Tobacco Poison.
Brother who Smoked, thereby destroying his Vital Organs, his Good Looks, and Stunting his Body. Brother who Didn't Smoke, and therefore grew Good-Looking, Big, Healthy and Strong.
Multitudes of Employers, both in England and America, will not employ Boy Smokers, and publicly announce the same.
[From the "Social Gazette," also from the "Australian War Cry."]
The following statements show some of the large establishments that are closed against cigarette smokers in America:—
"Swift & Co. (Packing House, Chicago), and other Chicago business houses, employing hundreds of boys, have issued this announcement, or similar ones—So impressed with the danger of Cigarette using that we do not employ a Cigarette user. Marshall Field, the Mammoth Universal Provider, gave similar notice.
[Page 203—Smoking Land]
Montgomery, Ward and Co., the universal providers, say, "We will not employ cigarette users."
"Morgan and Wright Tyre company, large employers, announce, "No cigarettes can be smoked by our employees."
"At John Wanamakers.—The application blank to be filled out by boys applying for a position reads: 'Do you use tobacco or cigarettes?' A negative answer is expected, and is favourable to their acceptance as employes."
"Heath and Milligan, Chicago, bar cigarette users."
"Carson, Pirie and Scott, Chicago, bar cigarette smokers as employes."
Ayer's Sarsparilla Company, Lovell, employs hundreds of boys. —"March 1, 1902—Believing that the smoking of cigarettes is injurious to both mind and body, thereby unfitting young men for their best work—therefore after this date we will not employ any young man under twenty-one years of age who smokes cigarettes."
"I've got a boy for you, sir." Glad of it; who is he?" asked the master workman of a large establishment. The man told the boy's name and where he lived. "Don't want him," said the master workman, "he has got a bad mark." "A bad mark, sir; what?" "I meet him every day with a cigar in his mouth; I don't want smokers!"
"The Lehigh Valley Railroad bars cigarette smokers."
"The Chicago, Rock Island, and Pacific Railroad bars cigarette smoking."
"The New York, New Haven, and Hartford Railroad bars employes who smoke cigarettes."
"The Central Railroad, Georgia, forbids cigarette smoking."
"The Union Pacific Railroad forbids cigarette smoking."
The following is a public notice: "The Western Union Telegraph Company will discharge from their messenger service boys who persist in smoking cigarettes."
A Telephone Company.—Order: "You are directed to serve notice that the use of cigarettes after August 1 will be prohibited; and you are further instructed to, in the future, refuse to employ anyone who is addicted to the habit."—Leland Hume, Assistant General Manager of the Cumberland Telephone and Telegraph Company.
"In the United States Weather Bureau.—'Chief of United States Weather Bureau, Willis M. Moore, has placed the ban on cigarettes in this department of Government service'."
Smoking Does Some Good, but More Evil
Smoking soothes and comforts millions of the worried and the weary, and brings much pleasure to the habitual smoker, but it always more or less injures the health of the smoker and sometimes kills him. The vast majority of the medical fraternity condemn smoking, especially by the young.
Smoking injures multitudes of boys in many respects. Smoking often leads to boys into bad company. Smoking often makes them precocious, undutiful, impudent and callous. Smoking often ruins the health. Smoking generally stunts their growth. Smoking generally sallows their complexion. Smoking often leads them to lying. Smoking often leads them to stealing. Smoking often leads them to drinking. Smoking degenerates the boy physically, mentally, and morally. Smokers cannot excel in athletic sports, such as boating, cricket, cycling. Smokers are always at the bottom of the class in school and college, and backward at all kinds of study. Excessive smoking causes mental and physical laziness in boys and men.
The following organs, fluids, functions, etc., of the body, especially of the young, are frequently more or less affected by the use of tobacco:—The blood, the heart, the nerves, the brain, the liver, the lungs, the stomach, the throat, the saliva, the taste, the voice, the eyes, the ears, the nose, the mouth, the tongue, the palate, the pancreas, the lips, the teeth, the bones, the skin.
Medical men and observing experts affirm many diseases are caused or accelerated by the use of tobacco, among which are the following:— Heart disease, consumption, cancer, ulceration, asthma, bronchitis, neuralgia, paralysis, palsy, apoplexy, indigestion, dysentery, diarrhoea, constipation, sleeplessness, melancholia, delirium tremens, insanity.
Smoking frequently leads to prolonged suffering. Smoking often destroys the appetite. Smoking sometimes weakens the will power. Smoking sometimes leads to loss of memory. Smoking often leads to despondency. Smoking sometimes leads to suicide. Smoking frequently leads to loss—loss by bad health and waste of valuable time—direct loss in money required for other purposes, and immense loss through reckless, thoughtless, or unfortunate smokers being the cause of partial or total destruction by fire of buildings, ships, factories, homesteads, crops, stores, and property of many kinds; also loss of life and property by explosions in mines, explosive factories, powder magazines, explosive stores, etc.
Tobacco using is an unclean habit, and offensive habit, an enslaving habit, often it is an intensely selfish habit. Tobacco fumes, especially in small and poorly-ventilated houses or rooms, injure or destroy the health of multitudes of wives, and injure the health of multitudes of infants and children. Tobacco using injures the unborn child by giving it a puny body and an imperfect start in life. Tobacco using is fast degenerating the race.
A third of the recruits for the Army are disqualified through smoking.
The following Governments have passes laws against juvenile smoking: Germany, Switzerland, Norway, Japan, Canada, Nova Scotia, New Brunswick, Prince Edward Island, British Columbia, the North West Territories, Cape Colony, New South Wales, Victoria, South Australia, Tasmania, and about 48 of the States and Territories out of 53; and so terrible and deplorable an effect has juvenile smoking upon the race that most other Governments are considering the advisability of passing laws against it.
The insidious influence of cigarette smoking by boys is shown in these examples of handwriting, taken from a London Country Council health report. The first was written by a boy when he was a victim of the habit; the second is the same boy's writing when he had given it up, ten months later.
[Page 204—Narcotics and Intoxicants]
Narcotics and Intoxicants
In most parts of the word man has found out some way of stimulating, soothing, or deadening his animal system by means of plants or drugs. Hundreds of these stimulating, intoxicating, soothing, and stupefying substances have been discovered and used in various countries, chief amongst which may be mentioned—
Opium, Tobacco, Indian Hemp, Betel Nut, and Alcohol; and others are used in a less degree, such as Coca, Kola Nut, Thorn Apple, Cocculus Indicus, Intoxicating Toadstool, Deadly Nightshade, Henbane, Rhododendron, Azalea, Emetic Holly, Bearded Darnel, etc. The first five among those human pleasers and human destroyers are—
1. Alcohol, now drank in the shape of spirits, wine, beer, or some other form probably by 500,000,000 persons. 2. Opium, smoked, inhaled, drank or swallowed by probably 100,000,000. 3. Tobacco, now smoked, chewed, and snuffed by probably 300,000,000 4. Haschish, made from Indian Hemp, now smoked, chewed, or swallowed by probably 150,000,000. 5. Betel Nut, chewed probably by 50,000,000.
These five narcotising and intoxicating poisons are used, more or less, by half the people in the world, giving some considerable pleasure at times, but destroying, more or less, the health of all who use them, and gradually stunting the form and otherwise undermining the well-being of the entire human race.
Chemistry also produces many things which are taken in the same way and for the same purpose, such as Laudanum, Morphia, Cocaine, Chloral, Chloroform, Ether, &c., and many so-called patent medicines. These all tend to form habits which soothe and please for a time, but they all damage or destroy in the end.
The great bulk of easy-going, unreflecting people have no idea what an amount of mischief and misery the habit of using these things inflict upon poor humanity.
Books show narcotics, toxicants, Of each and every kind; Insidious destroyers all, Of body and of mind.
These four pages show at a glance the effects of the three most fascinating and seductive Drugs in the world—Tobacco, Opium, and Alcohol, and which physically, mentally, and morally injure or ruin the greatest number of mankind.
First Shoeblack—What yer doin', Bill? Second Shoeblack—Learnin' to Smoke.
The Drink Craving
Probably the best use a man can make of his leisure time is to read good books and to follow their advice, and the worst use he can make of it is to indulge in intoxicating liquor, and to go where that will lead or take him.
It is said that "Dipsomania," "Alcoholism," or the "Craving-for-Drink" disease can be cured in most persons by certain remedies an proper management, and the time has come now when the lovers of human progress everywhere feel that this fearful curse must be grappled with, and, if possible, stamped out like the smallpox, or any other terrible disease. One writer sums up the evils of drinking as follows:—
"It injures the health. It shortens life. It originates hereditary disease. It ruins the character of thousands. It destroys the peace of families and of individuals. It causes husbands and wives to neglect each other, their children, and their homes. It makes wives widows, and children orphans. It bereaves parents of their children. It reduces families to penury. It hinders the amelioration of the poorer classes of society. It makes time hard and trade bad. It is a cause of quarrels, robberies, and murders. It is a cause of suicide. It fills our prisons. It fills our poorhouses. It fills our hospitals. It fills our madhouses."
Books, like strong drink, will drown a man's cares But do not waste his wealth, Books leave him better, drink the worse, In character and health.
[Page 205—Pipes of the World]
Pipes of the World Showing one of Cole's "Similarities of Mankind"
[Page 206—The Supreme Being]
Go to the top of a mountain so that you can see 50 miles in all directions; you then observe a space 100 miles in diameter. Now the world contains 25,000 such areas as that. Our world is amazingly vast, but our sun is a million times as large; yet we see rolling in space thousands as large as our own, which probably have accompanying worlds. And again, beyond this the telescope and astral-photography reveal to us that to the right, and to the left, before and behind, above and below, and to every point of the heavens, and at immense distances, millions and millions again of enormous stellar bodies exist, roll, revolve and travel through space. Multitudes of these suns and worlds around us in every direction are at such immense distances that a person travelling with the speed of light, namely, 200,000 miles, or 8 times round our earth, in a second, world take 1000,000 years to reach them. Nor can we imagine an end to this stupendous universe, or an end to space, for is we try to do so the question immediately occurs, what is still outside and beyond that? And so on to incomprehensible and overwhelming infinitude. And these many millions of suns and worlds and systems and all their parts are clearly working together, like the most exquisitely designed clockwork. Look at the marvellous mechanism of the human brain, the human eye, the human hand, the human heart, and in fact the whole human structure and composition; they all prove the truth of the affirmation that man is "fearfully and wonderfully made." Nay further, examine carefully every object in existence, however stupendously large or, as shown by the microscope, infinitesimally small, and they each and all appear equally perfect for their purpose. Can we see all this, and think on it, and not imagine a Designer and Controller of infinite attributes? It always appeared to me that there must be in this vast, illimitable, and beautiful universe, myriads of beings, superior to our weak mortal selves, and at the head of all and over all, an immortal Being of infinite perfections, which thinking men in all countries and ages have called GOD. And shall not we, immortal souls, increase in knowledge and wisdom, and as the ages roll on, more and more perceive and understand this mighty universe and its Author? I firmly believe we shall, and that as yet we are only beginning to live and think and understand and appreciate.
The Supreme Being was believed in, praised and worshipped by all the ancient peoples, and is now believed in, praised and worshipped by the vast majority of the people of the world—it is true under different names, but still it is the same idea—a Being without beginning and without end—Infinite in Wisdom—Infinite in Goodness —Infinite in Power—Infinite in Action and, at all times, everywhere and present.
E. W. Cole
The Ancients' Idea of God
God extends from eternity to eternity.—Aristotle.
Nothing is more ancient than God, for He was never created; nothing more beautiful than the world, it is the work of that same God.— Thales.
Nature herself has imprinted on the minds of all the idea of a God; for what nation or race of men is there that has not, even without being taught, some idea of a God.—Cicero.
There is one God; Him the Christians, Him the Jews, Him all the Gentile people worship.—Emperor Adrian.
Amid so much war, contest, and variety of opinion, you will find one consenting conviction in every land that there is one God, the King and Father of all.—Maximus Tyrius.
If we suppose a God, to Him there can be nothing mean and nothing great. The most trivial things must be equal under His regard as the most august. All-powerful, omniscient, and omnipresent, He must encompass all things, and pervade all things. Ignorant of nothing, forgetting nothing, despising nothing, He must direct the operations of the universe with perfect skill, and sustain every part in consummate order.—Plato.
What land or what see will man find without God? Into what part of the earth wilt thou descend and hide thyself, O unhappy wretch! where thou canst escape from God?—Plutarch.
Thine, O Lord, is the greatness, and the power, and the glory, and the victory, and the majesty; for all that is in the heaven and in the earth, is Thine; Thine is the kingdom, O Lord, and Thou art exalted as head above all.—David.
He is God, the Great, the Mighty, the Tremendous, the Merciful, the Gracious, the Benign, the Wise, the Faithful, the Just, and the Virtuous; Omniscience, Omnipresence, Omnipotence, are His alone, whose Being knew no beginning, and can know no end.—The Mishna Torah.
The Name of God in 48 Languages
"Aeolian and Doric—Ilos. Arabic—Allah. Armorian—Teuti. Assyrian —Eleah. Celtic and Gallic—Diu. Chaldaic—Eilah. Chinese—Prussa. Coromandel—Brama. Cretan—Thios. Danish and Swedish—Gut. Dutch— Godt. English and Old Saxon—God. Finch—Jumala. Flemish—Goed. French—Dieu. German and Swiss—Gott. Greek—Theos. Hebrew— Elohim, Eloha. Hindostanee—Rain. Irish—Dia. Italian—Dio. Japanese—Goezur. Lapp—Jubinal. Latin—Deus. Low Breton—Done. Low Latin—Diex. Madagascar—Zannar. Malay—Alla. Modern Egyptian —Teun. Norwegian—Gud. Olalu Tongue—Deu. Old Egyptian—Teut. Old German—Diet. Pannonian—Istu. Persian—Siie. Peruvian— Puchecammae. Pollaacca—Bung. Portuguese—Deos. Provencal—Diou. Runic—As. Slav—Buch. Spanish—Dios. Syriac and Turkish—Alah. Tartar—Magatal. Teutonic—Goth. Zemblain—Fetiza."
The Moderns' Idea of God
Father of ALL! in every age, In every clime adored, By saint, by savage and by sage, Jehovah, Jove, or Lord.—Pope.
The Supreme Being whom we call God, is a necessary, self-existent, eternal, immense, omnipotent, omniscient, and best Being; and therefore also a Being who is and ought to be esteemed most sacred of holy.—N. Grew.
What an immense workman is God! in miniature as well as in the great. With the one hand, perhaps, He is making a ring of one hundred thousand miles in diameter, to revolve round a planet like Saturn, and with the other as forming a tooth in the ray of a feather of a humming-bird, or a point in the claw of the foot of a microscopic insect. When he works in miniature, everything is gilded, polished, and perfect, but whatever is made by human art, as a needle, etc., when viewed by a microscope, appears rough, and coarse, and bungling.—Bishop Law.
Nothing is easier than to say the word—universe, and yet it would take us millions of millions of years to bestow one hasty glance upon the surface of that small portion of it which lies within the range of our glasses. But what are all the suns, comets, earths, moons, atmospheres, seas, rivers, mountains, valleys, plains, woods, cattle, wild beasts, fish, fowl, grasses, plants, shrubs, minerals, and metals, compared with the meaning of the one name—God!—Pulsford.
The whole evolution of times and ages, from everlasting to everlasting, is, collectedly an presentifickly represented to God at once, as if all things and actions were at this very instant really present and existent before Him.—Sir T. More.
Who taught the bird to build her nest, Of wool and hay and moss? Who taught her how to weave it best, And lay the twigs across? Who taught the busy bee to fly Among the sweetest flowers— And lay her store of honey by, To eat in winter hours? Who taught the little ants the way Their narrow holes to bore, And through the pleasant summer's day To gather up their store?
There's not a tint that paints the rose, Or decks the lily fair, Or marks the humblest flower that grows But God has placed it there. There's not of grass a simple blade, Or leaf of lowliest mien, Where heav'nly skill is not displayed, And heav'nly goodness seen. There's not a star whose twinkling light Illumes the distant earth, And cheers the solemn gleam of night, But mercy gave it birth. There's not a cloud whose dews distil Upon the parching clod, And clothe with verdure vale and hill, That is not sent by God. There's not a place on earth's vast round, In ocean deep, or air, Where skill and wisdom are not found, For God is everywhere. Around, beneath, below, above, Wherever space extends, There Heaven displays its boundless love, And power with mercy blends.—Wallace.
I dimly guess from blessings known, Of greater out of sight, And, with the chastised Psalmist, own His judgements, too, are right.
I know not what the future hath Of marvel or surprise, Assured alone that life and death His mercy underlies.
I know not where His islands lift I only know I cannot drift Their fronded palms in air; Beyond His love and care.
Northern Portion Of COLE'S BOOK ARCADE, Melbourne, Australia.
More than Two Million Books to choose from
Every sightseer in the City of Melbourne should visit COLE'S BOOK ARCADE. It is entirely an Australian institution, being the first of its kind opened anywhere, and at the present time unequalled in any city of the world. It is 3 stories high, 600 feet deep, and an average width of 45 feet, with frontages to Bourke and Collins Sts., the two main arteries of Melbourne; its public walkways are half a mile long, its galleries are supported on brass pillars, while hundreds of rainbows (the trade mark) decorate the interior and exterior of the establishment. There are 100 mirrors tastefully placed throughout the building. The present Arcade was opened on Cup Day, 1883, and has been visited every day (except Sundays), year in, year out, by an average of 5000 people, so that during the first 35 years of its existence, more than 50 million visits were paid to it.
Can get almost any Book you want
There are several miles of shelving and 3,000 cedar drawers. The plan of book-drawers greatly facilitates the minute classification so that one can find with ease any book wanted on any subject. There are two Retail Departments of Books, one in Bourke Street, and one in Collins Street, and a large Wholesale one of three stories between the two. The Second-hand Book Department is 150 feet by 40. There are many other departments including New and Second-hand Music, Stationary, Fancy Goods, Artist's Materials, Toys, Art, Glass, and China-ware, Tea Salon, Circulating Library, Printing Works, etc. Free music recitals are given every afternoon and evening. Intellectual, well-behaved people collect and friends meet and feel happy in the Palace of Intellect.