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Amphitryo, Asinaria, Aulularia, Bacchides, Captivi
by Plautus Titus Maccius
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Why, I'm just as confident that that money is in store for my son as that I've got my eyes on this cane here. But I must be off to the forum, where I was going. Yes, and I'll wait there at the banker's. [EXIT Demaenetus.



I. 2.

Scene 2.

ENTER Argyrippus PRECIPITATELY FROM HOUSE OF Cleareta.

Argyr.

Sicine hoc fit? foras aedibus me eici? promerenti optume hocin preti redditur? bene merenti mala es, male merenti bona es; at malo cum tuo, nam iam ex hoc loco 130 ibo ego ad tres viros vostraque ibi nomina faxo erunt, capitis te perdam ego et filiam, perlecebrae, permities, adulescentum exitium. nam mare haud est mare, vos mare acerrumum; nam in mari repperi, his elavi bonis.

(violently to those within) So that's the way, is it? Thrown out of doors, am I? This is my reward for all the good turns I've done you, eh? Evil for good and good for evil is your system. But it will be evil for you! I'll go direct from here to the police and leave your names with 'em. I'll humble you and your daughter! You decoys, you destroyers, you wreckers of young fellows! Why, the sea's no sea: you are—the wildest sea of all! Why at sea I made my money, here I am cleaned out of it.

ingrata atque inrita esse omnia intellego quae dedi et quod bene feci, at posthac tibi male quod potero facere faciam, meritoque id faciam tuo. ego pol te redigam eodem unde orta es, ad egestatis terminos, ego edepol te faciam ut quae sis nunc et quae fueris scias. 140

All I've given you and all I've done for you gets no thanks, goes for nothing, I find: but after this all I can do against you I'll do, and do it with good reason. By the Lord, I'll put you down where you came from, the depths of destitution, I will. By heaven, I'll make you appreciate what you are now and what you were.

quae prius quam istam adii atque amans ego animum meum isti dedi, sordido vitam oblectabas pane in pannis inopia, atque ea si erant, magnas habebas omnibus dis gratias; eadem nunc, cum est melius, me, cuius opera est, ignoras mala, reddam ego te ex fera fame mansuetem, me specta modo.

You, who before I courted that girl of yours and offered her my loving heart, used to regale yourself on coarse bread in rags and poverty: yes, and gave hearty thanks to Heaven, if you got your bread and rags. Yet here you are, now that you are better off, snubbing me that made you so, curse you! I'll tame you down, you wild beast, by the famine treatment: trust me for that.

nam isti quid succenseam ipsi? nihil est, nihil quicquam meret; tuo facit iussu, tuo imperio paret: mater tu. eadem era es. te ego ulciscar, te ego ut digna es perdam atque ut de me meres, at scelesta viden ut ne id quidem, me dignum esse existumat quem adeat, quem conloquatur quoique irato supplicet? 150

As for that girl of yours, why should I be angry with her? She's done nothing, she's not at all to blame. It is your dictates she follows, your orders she obeys: you're mother and mistress both. You're the one I'll have revenge on; you're the one I'll ruin as you deserve, as your behaviour to me merits. (pauses and glares at house) But d'ye see how the wretch doesn't even think it worth while to come to me, talk with me, go on her knees to me, when I'm in a rage?

atque eccam inlecebra exit tandem; opinor hic ante ostium meo modo loquar quae volam, quoniam intus non licitum est mihi.

(Cleareta's door opens) Ah, there she is coming out at last, the decoy! I wager I'll have my full say in my own fashion out in front of the door here, seeing I couldn't do it inside.

I. 3.

Scene 3.

ENTER Cleareta FROM HOUSE.

Cle.

Unum quodque istorum verbum nummis Philippis aureis non potest auferre hinc a me si quis emptor venerit; nec recte quae tu in nos dicis, aurum atque argentum merumst: fixus hic apud nos est animus tuos clavo Cupidinis. remigio veloque quantum poteris festina et fuge: quam magis te in altum capessis, tam aestus te in portum refert.

(calmly and pleasantly) Not a single one of those words do I part with for golden sovereigns, not if some purchaser comes along: uncomplimentary remarks about us from you are good coin of the realm. Your heart is fastened to us here with one of Cupid's spikes through it. Out with oar and up with sail, speed your fastest and scud away: the more you put out to sea, the more the tide brings you back to harbour.

Argyr.

Ego pol istum portitorem privabo portorio; ego te dehinc ut merita es de me et mea re tractare exsequar, 160 quom tu med ut meritus sum non tractas atque eicis domo.

(grimly) By the Lord, I'll hold back that harbour master's harbour dues; from this time forth you'll get the treatment you merit of me and my exchequer, for this unmerited treatment of me, this turning me out of the house.

Cle.

Magis istuc percipimus lingua dici, quam factis fore.

(lightly) Such things are easier said than done, I observe.

Argyr.

Solus solitudine ego ted atque ab egestate abstuli; solus si ductem, referre gratiam numquam potes.

I, and I alone, am the man that rescued you from loneliness and destitution; even if I should take the girl for myself alone, you'd still be in my debt.

Cle.

Solus ductato, si semper solus quae poscam dabis; semper tibi promissum habeto hac lege, dum superes datis.

Take her for yourself alone, if you alone will always give me what I demand. You can always be sure of her—on condition your presents are the biggest.

Argyr.

Qui modus dandi? nam numquam tu quidem expleri potes; modo quom accepisti, haud multo post aliquid quod poscas paras.

And what end to the presents? Why, you can never be sated. Now you get something, and a minute later you're devising some new demand.

Cle.

Quid modist ductando, amando? numquamne expleri potes? modo remisisti, continuo iam ut remittam ad te rogas. 170

And what end to the taking her, to the lovey-doveying? Can you never be sated? Now you have sent her back to me, and the next instant you're crying for me to send her back to you.

Argyr.

Dedi equidem quod mecum egisti.

Well, I paid you what we agreed on.

Cle.

Et tibi ego misi mulierem: par pari datum hostimentumst, opera pro pecunia.

And I let you have the girl: my policy has been fair give and take—services rendered for cash.

Argyr.

Male agis mecum.

You're using me shamefully.

Cle.

Quid me accusas, si facio officium meum? nam neque fictum usquamst neque pictum neque scriptum in poematis ubi lena bene agat cum quiquam amante, quae frugi esse volt.

Why find fault with me for doing my plain duty? Why, nowhere in stone, paint, or poem is a lady in my line portrayed as using any lover well—if she wants to get on.

Argyr.

Mihi quidem te parcere aequomst tandem, ut tibi durem diu.

(appealingly) You really ought to use me sparingly, though, so that I may last you a long time.

Cle.

Non tu scis? quae amanti parcet, eadem sibi parcet parum. quasi piscis, itidemst amator lenae: nequam est, nisi recens; is habet sucum, is suavitatem, eum quo vis pacto condias vel patinarium vel assum, verses quo pacto lubet: 180 is dare volt, is se aliquid posci, nam ibi de pleno promitur;

(coolly) You miss the point? The lady that spares her lover spares herself too little. Lovers are the same as fish to us—no good unless they're fresh. Your fresh ones are juicy and sweet; you can season them to taste in a stew, bake them, and turn them every way. Your fresh one wants to give you things, wants to be asked for something: in his case it all comes from a full cupboard, you see;

neque ille scit quid det, quid damni faciat: illi rei studet, volt placere sese amicae, volt mihi, volt pedisequae, volt famulis, volt etiam ancillis; et quoque catulo meo subblanditur novos amator, se ut quom videat gaudeat. vera dico: ad suom quemque hominem quaestum esse aequomst callidum.

and he has no idea what he's giving, what it costs him. This is his only thought: he wants to please, please his girl, please me, please the waiting-woman, please the men servants, please the maid servants, too: yes, the new lover makes up to my little dog, even, so that he may be glad to see him. This is the plain truth: every one ought to keep a sharp eye for the main chance.

Argyr.

Perdidici istaec esse vera damno cum magno meo.

I have thoroughly learned the truth of that, and a pretty penny it's cost me.

Cle.

Si ecastor nunc habeas quod des, alia verba praehibeas; nunc quia nihil habes, maledictis te eam ductare postulas.

Tut, tut! If you had anything left to give us, your language would be different; now that you have nothing, you expect to get her by abuse.

Argyr.

Non meum est.

That's not my way.

Cle.

Nec meum quidem edepol, ad te ut mittam gratiis. 190 verum aetatis atque honoris gratia hoc fiet tui, quia nobis lucro fuisti potius quam decori tibi: si mihi dantur duo talenta argenti numerata in manum, hanc tibi noctem honoris causa gratiis dono dabo.

Nor mine, sir, to let you have her gratis—mercy, no! But, considering your youth and our high regard for you, this shall be done, seeing you have been more of an income to us than a credit to yourself: just hand me over (casually) four hundred pounds in cash and you shall have this evening with her, in token of said high regard, as a free gift from me.

Argyr.

Quid si non est?

What if I haven't it?

Cle.

Tibi non esse credam, illa alio ibit tamen.

(smiling, but firm) I'll give you credit—that you haven't it: the girl shall go to some one else, however.

Argyr.

Ubi illaec quae dedi ante?

Where is what I gave you before?

Cle.

Abusa. nam si ea durarent mihi, mulier mitteretur ad te, numquam quicquam poscerem. diem aquam solem lunam noctem, haec argento non emo: ceterum quae volumus uti Graeca mercamur fide.

Spent. Why, if it had lasted, you should have your lady, and not a thing would I be asking for. Daylight, water, sunlight, moonlight, darkness—for these things I have to pay no money: everything else we wish to use we purchase on Greek credit.

quom a pistore panem petimus, vinum ex oenopolio. 200 si aes habent, dant mercem: eadem nos discipulina utimur. semper oculatae manus sunt nostrae, credunt quod vident. vetus est: "nihili coactiost"—scis cuius. non dico amplius.

When we go to the baker for bread, to the vintner for wine, their rule is commodities for cash: we use the same system ourselves. Our hands have eyes always: seeing is believing with them. As the old proverb has it: "There's no getting"—you know what. I say no more.

Argyr.

Aliam nunc mi orationem despoliato praedicas, longe aliam, inquam, praebes nunc atque olim, quom dabam, aliam atque olim, quom inliciebas me ad te blande ac benedice. tum mi aedes quoque arridebant, cum ad te veniebam, tuae; me unice unum ex omnibus te atque illam amare aibas mihi;

It's a different sort of eloquence you use on me now I've been fleeced, very different, I say, from that former sort when I was giving you things, different from that former sort when you were luring me on with your smooth, suave talk. Then your very house used to be wreathed in smiles, when I turned up. You used to say I was the one and only love in all the world for you and her.

ubi quid dederam, quasi columbae pulli in ore ambae meo usque eratis, meo de studio studia erant vostra omnia, 210 usque adhaerebatis: quod ego iusseram, quod volueram faciebatis, quod nolebam ac votueram, de industria fugiebatis, neque conari id facere audebatis prius. nunc neque quid velim neque nolim facitis magni, pessumae.

After I'd given you anything the both of you used to keep hanging on my lips like a pair of young doves. Whatever I fancied, you fancied, and nothing else. You used to keep clinging to me. I ordered a thing, wished a thing,—you used to do it: I disliked a thing, forbade a thing,—you used to take pains to avoid doing it: you didn't dare attempt to do it then. Now you don't care tuppence what I like, or don't like, you vile wretches!

Cle.

Non tu scis? hic noster quaestus aucupi simillimust. auceps quando concinnavit aream, offundit cibum; aves adsuescunt: necesse est facere sumptum qui quaerit lucrum; saepe edunt: semel si sunt captae, rem solvent aucupi. itidem his apud nos: aedes nobis area est, auceps sum ego, 219,220 esca est meretrix, lectus inlex est, amatores aves;

(still cheerfully superior) You miss the point? This profession of ours is a great deal like bird-catching. The fowler, when he has his fowling-floor prepared, spreads food around; the birds become familiarized: you must spend money, if you wish to make money. They often get a meal: but once they get caught they recoup the fowler. It is quite the same with us here: our house is the floor, I am the fowler, the girl the bait, the couch the decoy, the lovers the birds.

bene salutando consuescunt, compellando blanditer, osculando, oratione vinnula, venustula. si papillam pertractavit, haud est ab re aucupis; savium si sumpsit, sumere eum licet sine retibus. haecine te esse oblitum, in ludo qui fuisti tam diu?

They become familiar through pleasant greetings, pretty speeches, kisses, cooey, captivating little whispers. If he cuddles her close in his arms, well, no harm to the fowler. If he takes a naughty kind of kiss, he can be taken himself, and no net needed. You to forget all this, and so long in the school, too?

Argyr.

Tua ista culpa est, quae discipulum semidoctum abs te amoves.

It's your fault, if I have: you expelled your pupil when he was half taught.

Cle.

Remeato audacter, mercedem si eris nactus; nunc abi.

Trot along back to us boldly, if you find the tuition fee: for the present run away. (turns to go in)

Argyr.

Mane, mane, audi. dic, quid me aequom censes pro illa tibi dare, annum hunc ne cum quiquam alio sit?

Wait, wait, listen! Tell me, what do you think I ought to give you to have her all to myself this next year?

Cle.

Tene? viginti minas; 230 atque ea lege: si alius ad me prius attulerit, tu vale.

(laughingly) What? You? (after a pause) Eighty pounds: yes, and on this condition—if some one else brings me the money before you do, good-bye to you. (again turning to go)

Argyr.

At ego est etiam prius quam abis quod volo loqui.

But there's something more I want to say before you go.

Cle.

Dic quod lubet.

Say on, anything.

Argyr.

Non omnino iam perii, est relicuom quo peream magis. habeo unde istuc tibi quod poscis dem; sed in leges meas dabo, uti scire possis, perpetuom annum hunc mihi uti serviat nec quemquam interea alium admittat prorsus quam me ad se virum.

I'm not entirely ruined yet: there is a balance left for further ruin. I can give you what you ask. But I'll give it to you on my own terms, and here they are—she's to be at my disposal this whole next year through, and all that time not a single man but me is to come near her.

Cle.

Quin, si tu voles, domi servi qui sunt castrabo viros. postremo ut voles nos esse, syngraphum facito adferas; ut voles, ut tibi lubebit, nobis legem imponito: modo tecum una argentum adferto, facile patiar cetera. 240 portitorum simillumae sunt ianuae lenoniae: si adfers, tum patent, si non est quod des, aedes non patent.

(cheerfully ironical) Why, if you choose, I'll change all the men servants in the house to maids. In short, bring along a contract stating how you wish us to behave. All you desire, all you like,—impose your own terms on us: only bring along the money, too; the rest is easy for me. Our doors are much like those of a custom house: pay your fee, and they are open: if you can't, they are—(going into house and closing the door in his face with a provoking laugh) not open.

Argyr.

Interii, si non invenio ego illas viginti minas, et profecto, nisi illud perdo argentum, pereundum est mihi. nunc pergam ad forum atque experiar opibus, omni copia, supplicabo, exobsecrabo ut quemque amicum videro, dignos indignos adire atque experiri certumst mihi,[7] nam si mutuas non potero, certumst sumam faenore.

(drearily) It's all over with me, if I don't get hold of that eighty pounds: yes, one thing is sure, that money goes to pot, or else my life must. (a pause, then with animation) I'll off to the forum this moment and try to raise it by every means in my power: I'll entreat, ex-supplicate every friend I see. Good and bad—I'll up and try them all, I'm resolved on that: and if I can't get it as a friendly loan, I'm resolved to borrow it at usury. [EXIT Argyrippus.



ACTVS II

ACT II

(A couple of hours have elapsed.)

ENTER Libanus WITH WORRIED AIR.

Lib.

Hercle vero, Libane, nunc te meliust expergiscier atque argento comparando fingere fallaciam. 250 iam diu est factum quom discesti ab ero atque abiisti ad forum,[8] (251) ibi tu ad hoc diei tempus dormitasti in otio. (253)

By gad, Libanus, you'd certainly better rouse yourself now and contrive some trick for collecting that cash. It's a long time since you left your master and hied yourself to the forum, to loaf and snooze away there till this time of day.

quin tu abs te socordiam omnem reice et segnitiem amove atque ad ingenium vetus versutum te recipis tuom serva erum, cave tu idem faxis alii quod servi solent, qui ad eri fraudationem callidum ingenium gerunt.

Come on, shake off all this dull sloth, away with sluggishness, yes, and get back that old gift of guile of yours! Save your master: mind you don't do the same as other servants that use their wily wits to gull him.

unde sumam? quem intervortam? quo hanc celocem conferam? impetritum, inauguratumst quovis admittunt aves, picus et cornix ab laeva, corvos parra ab dextera 260 consuadent; certum herclest vostram consequi sententiam.

(pause) Where shall I get it? Who shall I swindle? Where shall I steer this cutter? (looking upwards, then jubilantly) I've got my auspices, my auguries: the birds let me steer it where I please! Woodpecker and crow on the left, raven and barn owl on the right. "Go ahead," they say! By Jove, I'll follow your advice, I certainly will.

sed quid hoc, quod picus ulmum tundit? non temerariumst. certe hercle ego quantum ex augurio eius pici intellego, aut mihi in mundo sunt virgae aut atriensi Saureae sed quid illuc quod exanimatus currit huc Leonida? metuo quom illic obscaevavit meae falsae fallaciae.

(looking upward again) What's this, though,—the woodpecker tapping an elm?[C] That's not for nothing! Lord! So far as I understand the omen of this woodpecker, that certainly means there are rods in pickle for me, or for steward Saurea. (looking down street) But what's wrong— Leonida running up here all out of breath? I'm afraid now that the bird there has predicted trouble for my artful arts.

[Footnote C: The elm corresponded to our birch in being used for corporal punishment.]

II. 2.

Scene 2.

ENTER Leonida IN GREAT EXCITEMENT, WITHOUT SEEING Libanus.

Leon.

Ubi ego nunc Libanum requiram aut familiarem filium, ut ego illos lubentiores faciam quam Lubentiast? maximam praedam et triumphum eis adfero adventu meo quando mecum pariter potant, pariter scortari solent, 270 hanc quidem, quam nactus, praedam pariter cum illis partiam.

Where shall I look for Libanus now, or young master, so that I can make them more delighted than Delight herself? Oh, the mighty prize and triumph my coming confers on 'em! Seeing they guzzle along with me, and chase the girls along with me, I'll certainly go shares in this prize I've got along with them.

Lib.

Illic homo aedis compilavit, more si fecit suo. vae illi, qui tam indiligenter observavit ianuam.

(aside) The fellow's been robbing a house if he's acted naturally. Lord help the poor devil that minded the door so carelessly!

Leon.

Aetatem velim servire, Libanum ut conveniam modo.

I'd be willing to slave it all my life, only let me meet Libanus.

Lib.

Mea quidem hercle opera liber numquam fies ocius.

(aside) By Jove, you'll never be free a minute sooner for any help you get from me.

Leon.

Etiam de tergo ducentas plagas praegnatis dabo.

I'll even give two hundred swollen welts from off my back to see him.

Lib.

Largitur peculium, omnem in tergo thensaurum gerit.

(aside) He's generous with what he has: carries all his coffers on his back.

Leon.

Nam si huic sese occasioni tempus supterduxerit, numquam edepol quadrigis albis indipiscet postea; erum in obsidione linquet, inimicum animos auxerit. 280 sed si mecum occasionem opprimere hanc, quae obvenit, studet, maximas opimitates, gaudio exfertissimas suis eris ille una mecum pariet, gnatoque et patri, adeo ut aetatem ambo ambobus nobis sint obnoxii, nostro devincti beneficio.

For if this chance is let slide, he'll never catch it again, by Jove, not with a chariot and four, white[D] horses. He'll be leaving his master under siege and increasing the courage of his enemies. But if he's ready to take part with me and pounce on this opportunity that's turned up, he'll be my partner in hatching the biggest, joy-stuffedest jubilee that ever was for his masters, son and father both, yes, and put the pair of 'em under obligations to the pair of us for life, too, chained tight by our services.

[Footnote D: White horses were supposed to be the fastest.]

Lib.

Vinctos nescio quos ait; non placet: metuo, in commune ne quam fraudem frausus sit.

(aside) Chained, he says: some one or other chained! I don't like it. I'm afraid he's been trumping up some trumpery that'll involve the both of us.

Leon.

Perii ego oppido, nisi Libanum invenio iam, ubiubi est gentium.

(quivering with excitement) I'm absolutely done for, if I don't find Libanus at once, wherever he is.

Lib.

Illic homo socium ad malam rem quaerit quem adiungat sibi. non placet: pro monstro extemplo est, quando qui sudat tremit.

That chap's after a mate to yoke with in a race for a thrashing. I don't like it! it means something bad soon, when a man in a sweat shivers.

Leon.

Sed quid ego his properans concesso pedibus. lingua largior? 290 quin ego hanc iubeo tacere, quae loquens lacerat diem?

But why am I holding in my feet and letting out my tongue, and I in such a hurry? Why don't I tell it to shut up, with its wagging the day to shreds?

Lib.

Edepol hominem infelicem, qui patronam conprimat. nam si quid sceleste fecit, lingua pro illo perierat.

(aside) Good Lord! Poor devil—choking off his patroness! Why, once he's been up to some rascality, it's that same tongue perjures herself for him.

Leon.

Adproperabo, ne post tempus praedae praesidium parem.

I'll cut along, so as not to procure protection for the prize when it's too late. (moves away)

Lib.

Quae illaec praeda est? ibo advorsum atque electabo, quidquid est. iubeo te salvere voce summa, quo ad vires valent.

What's that prize? I'll up and worm it out of him, whatever it is. (aloud) Good day to you—(raising his voice, Leonida having paid no attention) as loud a one as my lungs allow!

Leon.

Gymnasium flagri, salveto.

Ah there, (turning and stopping) you whip developer!

Lib.

Quid agis, custos carceris?

How goes it, gaol guard?

Leon.

O catenarum colone.

Oh you fetter farmer.

Lib.

O virgarum lascivia.

Oh you rod tickler!

Leon.

Quot pondo ted esse censes nudum?

How much do you think you weigh, stripped?

Lib.

Non edepol scio.

Lord! I don't know.

Leon.

Scibam ego te nescire, at pol ego, qui ted expendi, scio: 300 nudus vinctus centum pondo es, quando pendes per pedes.

I knew you didn't know: but by the Lord, I know for I've weighed you. Stripped and tied you weigh a hundred pounds— when you're hanging by your heels.

Lib.

Quo argumento istuc?

What's your proof of that?

Leon.

Ego dicam, quo argumento et quo modo. ad pedes quando adligatumst aequom centumpondium, ubi manus manicae complexae sunt atque adductae ad trabem, nec dependes nec propendes—quin malus nequamque sis.

I'll tell you my proof and my method. When a fair hundred- weight is fastened to your feet, with the handcuffs hugging your hands lashed to a beam, you're not a bit under or over the weight of—a good-for-nothing rascal.

Lib.

Vae tibi.

You be damned!

Leon.

Hoc testamento Servitus legat tibi.

Precisely what you are down for yourself in Slavery's will.

Lib.

Verbivelitationem fieri compendi volo. quid istud est negoti?

Let's cut short this war of words. What's that business of yours?

Leon.

Certum est credere,

I've determined to trust you.

Lib.

Audacter licet.

You can—boldly.

Leon.

Sis amanti subvenire familiari filio, tantum adest boni inproviso, verum commixtum malo: 310 omnes de nobis carnificum concelebrabuntur dies. Libane, nunc audacia usust nobis inventa et dolis. tantum facinus modo inveni ego, ut nos dicamur duo omnium dignissumi esse, quo cruciatus confluant,

If you've got a mind to help the young master in his love affair, there's such an unexpected supply of good luck come to hand—mixed with bad, though—that the public torturers will have a regular festival at our expense every day. Libanus, now we need grit and guile. I've just now come upon such a deed for us to do, that we two will be called the worthiest men alive—to be where the torture's thickest.

Lib.

Ergo mirabar quod dudum scapulae gestibant mihi, hariolari quae occeperunt, sibi esse in mundo malum. quidquid est, eloquere.

(dryly) Aha! I was wondering what made my shoulders tingle a while ago: they began prognosticating trouble was in pickle for 'em. Whatever it is, out with it!

Leon.

Magna est praeda cum magno malo.

It's a big prize and a big risk.

Lib.

Si quidem omnes coniurati cruciamenta conferant, habeo opinor familiare tergum, ne quaeram foris.

No matter if they all combine to pile the torments on, I fancy I've got a back of my own, without having to look for one outside.

Leon.

Si istam firmitudinem animi optines, salvi sumus. 320

That's the spirit, hold to it and we're safe.

Lib.

Quin si tergo res solvenda est, rapere cupio publicum: pernegabo atque obdurabo, periurabo denique.

Pooh! if it's my back that is to pay the score, I'm ripe for sacking the Treasury: then I'll say up and down I didn't, stick to it I didn't, yes, yes, take my solemn oath I didn't.

Leon.

Em ista virtus est, quando usust qui malum fert fortiter; fortiter malum qui patitur, idem post potitur bonum.

There! That's courage—to take hard knocks like a man when occasion calls. The chap that endures hard knocks like a man enjoys a soft time later on.

Lib.

Quin rem actutum edisseris? cupio malum nanciscier.

Why don't you hurry up and unfold your tale? I long for some hard knocks.

Leon.

Placide ergo unum quidquid rogita, ut adquiescam. non vides me ex cursura anhelitum etiam ducere?

Easy then with each question, so that I can get a rest. Don't you see I'm still puffing after that run of mine?

Lib.

Age, age, mansero tuo arbitratu, vel adeo usque dum peris.

All right, all right, I'll wait till you're ready, yes, ready to expire, for that matter.

Leon.

Ubinam est erus?

(after a pause) Where the deuce is master?

Lib.

Maior apud forumst, minor hic est intus.

Old one's at the forum, young one's inside here. (pointing to Clearetas house)

Leon.

Iam satis est mihi.

That'll do! I'm satisfied.

Lib.

Tum igitur tu dives es factus?

Satisfied? So you're a millionaire already, are you?

Leon.

Mitte ridicularia. 330

Don't try to be funny.

Lib.

Mitto.[9] istuc quod adfers aures exspectant meae.

I won't. (grandly) My ears await your tidings.

Leon.

Animum adverte, ut aeque mecum haec scias.

Listen here, and you'll know about things as well as I do.

Lib.

Taceo.

I'm dumb.

Leon.

Beas. meministin asinos Arcadicos mercatori Pellaeo nostrum vendere atriensem?

(ironically) Oh, bliss! Do you remember those Arcadian asses our steward sold to the merchant from Pella?

Lib.

Memini. quid tum postea?

I do. Well, what next?

Leon.

Em ergo is argentum huc remisit, quod daretur Saureae pro asinis. adulescens venit modo, qui id argentum attulit.

Now then! He's sent the money for 'em, to be paid to Saurea. A young chap's just arrived with it.

Lib.

Ubi is homost?

(with a start) Where is he?

Leon.

Iam devorandum censes, si conspexeris?

Think he ought to be swallowed down the minute you spy him, eh?

Lib.

Ita enim vero. sed tamen, tu nempe eos asinos praedicas vetulos, claudos, quibus subtritae ad femina iam erant ungulae? 340

Aye, that I do! But let me see, of course you mean those poor old lame asses with their hoofs worn away up to their hocks?

Leon.

Ipsos, qui tibi subvectabant rure hue virgas ulmeas.

Precisely! the ones that used to come down from the farm with loads of elm rods for you.

Lib.

Teneo, atque idem te hinc vexerunt vinctum rus.

I have you: yes, the same ones that carried you off to the farm in fetters.

Lib.

Memor es probe, verum in tonstrina ut sedebam, me infit percontarier, ecquem filium Stratonis noverim Demaenetum. dico me novisse extemplo et me eius servom praedico esse, et aedis demonstravi nostras.

Remarkable memory, yours! However, when I was in the barber's chair he speaks up and asks me if I know a Demaenetus, the son of Strato. I say yes at once, and declare that I'm his servant, and I told him where our house was.

Lib.

Quid tum postea?

Well, what next?

Leon.

Ait se ob asinos ferre argentum atriensi Saureae, viginti minas, sed eum sese non nosse hominem qui siet, ipsum vero se novisse callide Demaenetum. quoniam ille elocutus haec sic—

He says he's bringing money for the asses to steward Saurea, eighty pounds; but that he doesn't know the man at all: says he knows Demaenetus himself well, though. After he had given me an account of things this way—

Lib.

Quid tum?

What next?

Leon.

Ausculta ergo, scies. 350 extemplo facio facetum me atque magnificum virum, dico med esse atriensem. sic hoc respondit mihi: "ego pol Sauream non novi neque qua facie sit scio. te non aequomst suscensere. si erum vis Demaenetum, quem ego novi, adduce: argentum non morabor quin feras."

Well, listen and you'll find out. Instantly I pose as a fine, superior sort of creature and tell him I am the steward. Here's the way he answered me: "Well, well," says he, "I am not acquainted with Saurea personally and I don't know what he looks like. You have no reason to take offence. Bring along your master Demaenetus whom I do know, if you please: I'll let you have the money without delay."

ego me dixi erum adducturum et me domi praesto fore; ille in balineas iturust, inde huc veniet postea. quid nunc consili captandum censes? dic.

I told him I would bring my master and be at home waiting for him. He's going to the baths: then he'll be here later. What do you propose now for a plan of campaign? Tell me.

Lib.

Em istuc ago, quo modo argento intervortam et adventorem et Sauream. iam hoc opus est exasciato[10]; nam si ille argentum prius 360 hospes huc affert, continuo nos ambo exclusi sumus. nam me hodie senex seduxit solum sorsum ab aedibus, mihi tibique interminatust nos futuros ulmeos, ni hodie Argyrippo essent viginti argenti minae;

(thinking) That's the point! Just what I'm casting about for—some way to relieve newcomer and Saurea of the cash. We must have our scheme roughed out at once; for let that stranger fetch his money before we're ready and the next minute we're both shut out of it. You see, the old man took me aside out of the house to-day all by myself: swore he'd made the pair of us perfectly elmy, if eighty pounds was not forthcoming for Argyrippus this very day.

iussit vel nos atriensem vel nos uxorem suam defraudare, dixit sese operam promiscam dare. nunc tu abi ad forum ad erum et narra haec ut nos acturi sumus: te ex Leonida futurum esse atriensem Sauream, dum argentum afferat mercator pro asinis.

He gave us orders to do the steward out of it, or else his wife: said he'd stand by us whichever it was. Now you be off to the forum to master and tell him what our game will be: that you are going to change from Leonida to steward Saurea when the trader brings the money for the asses.

Leon.

Faciam ut iubes.

I'll do as you say. (moves off)

Lib.

Ego illum interea hic oblectabo, prius si forte advenerit. 370

I'll entertain him here myself meanwhile, if he happens to come before you do.

Leon.

Quid ais?

(halting) I say.

Lib.

Quid vis?

What do you want?

Leon.

Pugno malam si tibi percussero, mox cum Sauream imitabor, caveto ne suscenseas.

(gravely) In case I punch your jaw for you later on when I'm imitating Saurea, take care you don't get angry.

Lib.

Hercle vero tu cavebis ne me attingas, si sapis, ne hodie malo cum auspicio nomen commutaveris.

By gad, you'd just better take care yourself not to touch me, if you know what's what, or you'll find you've picked an unlucky day for changing your name.

Leon.

Quaeso, aequo animo patitor.

Come, come, put up with it patiently.

Lib.

Patitor tu item, cum ego te referiam.

Yes, and you put up with it when I hit you back.

Leon.

Dico ut usust fieri.

I'm telling how it's got to be done.

Lib.

Dico hercle ego quoque ut facturus sum.

And by the Lord, I'm telling how I'm going to do it.

Leon.

Ne nega.

Don't refuse.

Lib.

Quin promitto, inquam, hostire contra ut merueris.

Oh, I agree, I agree—to pay you back all you earn.

Leon.

Ego abeo, tu iam, scio, patiere. sed quis hic est? is est, ille est ipsus. iam ego recurro huc. tu hunc interea his tene. volo seni narrare.

(turning to go) I'm off: you'll put up with it now, I know you will. (looking down street) Hullo! Who's this! It's he, the very man! I'll hurry back here soon! You keep him here while I'm gone. I must tell the old man. (stops to look again)

Lib.

Quin tuom officium facis ergo ac fugis? 380

(sneeringly) Why don't you play your part then, and—run away? [EXIT Leonida.



II. 3.

Scene 3.

ENTER Trader, WITH SERVANT.

Merc. Trader

Ut demonstratae sunt mihi, hasce aedis esse oportet, Demaenetus ubi dicitur habitare. i, puere, pulta atque atriensem Sauream, si est intus, evocato huc.

(looking at house of Demaenetus) According to directions, this must be the house where they say Demaenetus lives. (to servant) Go knock, my lad, and if steward Saurea is in there, call him out. (servant goes toward house)

Lib.

Quis nostras sic frangit fores? ohe, inquam, si quid audis.

(stepping forward) Who's that battering our door so? Whoa there, I say—if you're not deaf!

Merc. Trader

Nemo etiam tetigit. sanun es?

No one has touched it yet. Are you in your senses?

Lib.

At censebam attigisse propterea, huc quia habebas iter. nolo ego fores conservas meas a te verberarier. sane ego sum amicus nostris.

Well, I was thinking you had touched it, seeing you were making this way. I don't want you to beat that door—it's a fellow servant of mine. I tell you what, I love my fellow servants.

Merc. Trader

Pol haud periclum est, cardines ne foribus effringantur, si istoc exemplo omnibus qui quaerunt respondebis.

Gad! No danger of the door being battered off its hinges, if you answer all callers in that style.

Lib.

Ita haec morata est ianua: extemplo ianitorem 390 clamat, procul si quem videt ire ad se calcitronem. sed quid venis? quid quaeritas?

Here's the way this door has been trained: once it sights some bully in the distance coming towards it, it bawls for the porter directly. But what's your business? What are you after?

Merc. Trader

Demaenetum volebam.

I wished to see Demaenetus.

Lib.

Si sit domi, dicam tibi.

If he was at home, I'd tell you.

Merc. Trader

Quid eius atriensis?

What about his steward?

Lib.

Nihilo mage intus est.

No, he's not in, either.

Merc. Trader

Ubi est?

Where is he?

Lib.

Ad tonsorem ire dixit.

Said he was going to the barber's.

Merc. Trader

Conveni. sed post non redit?

I met him. But he has not been back since?

Lib.

Non edepol. quid volebas?

Lord, no! What did you want?

Merc. Trader

Argenti viginti minas, si adesset, accepisset.

He would have got eighty pounds, if he was here.

Lib.

Qui pro istuc?

What for?

Merc. Trader

Asinos vendidit Pellaeo mercatori mercatu.

He sold some asses at the market to a trader from Pella.

Lib.

Scio. tu id nunc refers? iam hic credo eum adfuturum.

I know. Bringing the cash now, are you? He'll be here soon, I fancy.

Merc. Trader

Qua facie voster Saurea est? si is est, iam scire potero.

What does your Saurea look like? (aside) Now I can find out if that fellow is my man.

Lib.

Macilentis malis, rufulus aliquantum, ventriosus, truculentis oculis, commoda statura, tristi fronte. 400

(reflectively) Lantern-jawed—reddish hair—pot-bellied— savage eyes—average height—and a scowl.

Merc. Trader

Non potuit pictor rectius describere eius formam.

(aside) No painter could give me a more living likeness of that fellow.

Lib.

Atque hercle ipsum adeo contuor, quassanti capite incedit. quisque obviam huic occesserit irato, vapulabit.

(looking down street) Yes, and what's more, he's in sight himself, by gad,—swaggering along and shaking his head! Anyone that crosses his path when he's angry gets thrashed.

Merc. Trader

Siquidem hercle Aeacidinis minis animisque expletus incedit, si med iratus tetigerit, iratus vapulabit.

Good Lord! No matter if he swaggers along as full of fire and fury as Achilles—if your angry man lays a hand on me, it's your angry man gets thrashed.

II. 4.

Scene 4.

ENTER Leonida, APPARENTLY IN A RAGE.

Leon.

Quid hoc sit negoti, neminem meum dictum magni facere? Libanum in tonstrinam ut iusseram venire, is nullus venit. ne ille edepol tergo et cruribus consuluit haud decore.

What does this mean? Does no one mind what I say? I told Libanus to come to the barber's shop, and he never came at all. By the Lord, he hasn't given due thought to the welfare of his hide and shanks, that's a fact!

Merc. Trader

Nimis imperiosust.

(aside) A precious domineering chap!

Lib.

Vae mihi.

(affecting terror) Oh, I'm in for it!

Leon.

Hodie salvere iussi 410 Libanum libertum? iam manu emissu's?

(to Libanus ironically) Ah, greetings to Libanus the freedman, is it, to-day? Have you been manumitted now? (advancing)

Lib.

Obsecro te.

(cowering) Please, please, sir!

Leon.

Ne tu hercle cum magno malo mihi obviam occessisti. cur non venisti, ut iusseram, in tonstrinam?

By heaven, I'll certainly give you good reason to regret crossing my path. Why didn't you come to the barber's, as I ordered?

Lib.

Hic me moratust.

(pointing to trader) This gentleman delayed me.

Leon.

Siquidem hercle nunc summum Iovem te dicas detinuisse atque is precator adsiet, malam rem effugies numquam. tu, verbero, imperium meum contempsisti?

(without looking at trader) Damme! You can go on and say Jove Almighty detained you, yes, and he can come here and plead your case, but you shall never escape a flogging. You scorned my authority, you whipping post?

Lib.

Perii, hospes.

(running behind trader) Oh kind stranger, I'm a dead man!

Merc. Trader

Quaeso hercle noli, Saurea, mea causa hunc verberare.

By Jove, Saurea! Now, now, don't flog him, for my sake!

Leon.

Utinam nunc stimulus in manu mihi sit.

(paying no attention) Oh, if I could only get hold of an ox goad now!

Merc. Trader

Quiesce quaeso.

Now, now, calm down.

Leon.

Qui latera conteram tua, quae occalluere plagis. abscede ac sine me hunc perdere, qui semper me ira incendit, 420 cui numquam unam rem me licet semel praecipere furi, quin centiens eadem imperem atque ogganniam, itaque iam hercle clamore ac stomacho non queo labori suppeditare.

So as to stave in those ribs of yours that have grown callous to blows! (to trader) Out of my way, and let me murder the rascal that always sets me afire with rage, that never lets one order from me suffice for one job, the criminal, but keeps me commanding and growling the same thing a hundred times over. Good Lord, it's come to the point where I can't stand the work, what with yelling and storming at him!

iussin, sceleste, ab ianua hoc stercus hinc auferri? iussin columnis deici operas araneorum? iussin in splendorem dari bullas has foribus nostris?

Didn't I tell you to carry off this dung from the doorway, you villain? Didn't I tell you to clean the spiders' webs off the columns? Didn't I tell you to rub these door knobs till they shone?

nihil est: tamquam si claudus sim, cum fustist ambulandum. quia triduom hoc unum modo foro operam adsiduam dedo, dum reperiam qui quaeritet argentum in faenus, hic vos dormitis interea domi, atque erus in hara, haud aedibus habitat, 430 em ergo hoc tibi.

It's no good: anyone would think I was lame, the way I have to travel around after you with a cane. Because I've been constantly busy at the forum just for the last three days, trying to find some one to place a loan with, here you've been drowsing all the time at home, and your master living in a pig-pen, not a house. There now, take that! (strikes him)

Lib.

Hospes, te obsecro, defende.

Kind stranger! For heaven's sake protect me!

Merc. Trader

Saurea, oro, mea causa ut mittas.

Come, Saurea, do let him off for my sake.

Leon.

Eho, ecquis pro vectura olivi rem solvit?

(to Libanus) Hey, you! Did anyone pay for the shipping of that oil?

Lib.

Solvit.

Yes, sir.

Leon.

Cui datumst?

Who to?

Lib.

Sticho vicario ipsi tuo.

To Stichus himself, sir, your own deputy.

Leon.

Vah, delenire apparas, scio mihi vicarium esse, neque eo esse servom in aedibus eri qui sit pluris quam illest. sed vina quae heri vendidi vinario Exaerambo, iam pro eis satis fecit Sticho?

Hm-m! trying to smooth me down! To be sure I have a deputy, and there's not a slave in the master's house that is a more valuable man than that deputy, either. But how about the wine I sold to Exaerambus the vintner yesterday—has he settled with Stichus for it yet?

Lib.

Fecisse satis opinor, nam vidi huc ipsum adducere trapezitam Exaerambum.

I reckon he has, sir: for I saw Exaerambus bringing the banker here himself.

Leon.

Sic dedero. prius quae credidi vix anno post exegi; nunc satagit: adducit domum etiam ultro et scribit nummos. Dromo mercedem rettulit? 440

That's the style for me! Last time I trusted him I barely got the money out of him a year afterwards. Now he pays his bills: even brings his banker over to the house besides, and writes his cheque. Has Dromo brought home his wages?

Lib.

Dimidio minus opinor.

Only half, I think.

Leon.

Quid relicuom?

And the rest?

Lib.

Aibat reddere quom extemplo redditum esset; nam retineri, ut quod sit sibi operis locatum efficeret.

He said he'd give it to you as soon as it was given to him; claimed it was kept back so that he'd finish up a job that was placed with him.

Leon.

Scyphos quos utendos dedi Philodamo, rettulitne?

Those cups that I lent Philodamus—has he returned 'em?

Lib.

Non etiam.

Not yet.

Leon.

Hem non? si velis, da,[11] commoda homini amico.

Hey? No? (sourly) Give things away, if you like,—give 'em to a friend on loan.

Merc. Trader

Perii hercle, iam his me abegerit suo odio.

(half aside, wearily) Oh, the devil! The fellow will be driving me off before long with his confounded talk.

Lib.

Heus iam satis tu. audin quae loquitur?

(aside to Leonida) Hi, you! That's enough now! D'ye hear what he says?

Leon.

Audio et quiesco.

(aside to Libanus) I hear; I'll calm down.

Merc. Trader

Tandem, opinor, conticuit. nunc adeam optimum est, prius quam incipit tinnire. quam mox mi operam das?

(aside) Silent at last, I do believe. Best approach him now before he begins to rattle on again. (aloud to Leonida) How soon can you give me your attention?

Leon.

Ehem, optume. quam dudum tu advenisti? non hercle te provideram—quaeso ne vitio vortas— 450 ita iracundia obstitit oculis.

(looking at him and affecting surprise) Aha! Splendid! How long have you been here? Well, well, I hadn't noticed you before! I trust you won't feel offended. I was so angry that it affected my eyesight.

Merc. Trader

Non mirum factum est. sed si domi est, Demaenetum volebam.

Nothing strange in that. But I wished to see Demaenetus, if he is at home.

Leon.

Negat esse intus. verum istuc argentum tamen mihi si vis denumerare, repromittam istoc nomine solutam rem futuram.

He (indicating Libanus) says he's not in. But as to that money, though,—count it out to me, if you like, and then I'll engage that your account with us is settled.

Merc. Trader

Sic potius, ut Demaeneto tibi ero praesente reddam.

I should prefer to make the payment in the presence of your master Demaenetus.

Lib.

Erus istunc novit atque erum hic.

(protestingly) Oh, master knows him and he knows master.

Merc. Trader

Ero huic praesente reddam.

(firmly) I shall pay him in his master's presence.

Lib.

Da modo meo periculo, rem salvam ego exhibebo; nam si sciat noster senex fidem non esse huic habitam, suscenseat, quoi omnium rerum ipsus semper credit.

Oh now, give it to him, at my risk: I'll make it all right. Why, if our old man knew Saurea here was doubted, he'd be furious: he always trusts him with everything himself.

Leon.

Non magni pendo. ne duit, si non volt, sic sine astet. 460

(very superior) It's of no importance. He can keep it, if he wants. Let him stand by with it there.

Lib.

Da, inquam. vah, formido miser, ne hic me tibi arbitretur suasisse, sibi ne crederes. da, quaeso, ac ne formida: salvom hercle erit.

(aside to trader) I say, do give it to him. Oh dear, this is awful! I'm afraid he'll think I persuaded you not to trust him. Give it to him, for mercy's sake, and don't be afraid. Good Lord, it'll be all right!

Merc. Trader

Credam fore, dum quidem ipse in manu habebo. peregrinus ego sum, Sauream non novi.

I trust it will be, so long as I keep hold of it myself, anyway. I am a stranger here: I don't know Saurea.

Lib.

At nosce sane.

(pointing to Leonida) Well, just make his acquaintance, then.

Merc. Trader

Sit, non sit, non edepol scio. si is est, eum esse oportet. ego certe me incerto scio hoc daturum nemini homini.

Whether he is the man or not, I don't know, by gad. If he is, he is, of course. I certainly do know that when I am uncertain I give this (showing a wallet) to nobody on earth.

Leon.

Hercle istum di omnes perduint. verbo cave supplicassis. ferox est viginti minas meas tractare sese. nemo accipit aufer te domum, abscede hinc, molestus ne sis.

Be damned to the fellow! (to Libanus) Not a word of entreaty, you! He's puffed up at having the handling of my eighty pounds. (to trader) No one will take it! Home with you! Away with you! Don't bother me!

Merc. Trader

Nimis iracunde. non decet superbum esse hominem servom. 470

(scoffingly) Quite in a pet! The idea of a mere slave being arrogant!

Leon.

Malo hercle iam magno tuo, ni isti nec recte dicis.

(to Libanus) By heaven, you'll soon pay dear for it, if you don't abuse him!

Lib.

Impure, nihili. non vides irasci?

(loudly to trader) You dirty thing, you, you good for nothing! (in lower tone) Don't you see he's angry?

Leon.

Perge porro.

(to Libanus) Go on, get at him!

Lib.

Flagitum hominis. da, obsecro, argentum huic, ne male loquatur.

(loudly) You scandal of a man! (in lower tone) Do give him the money, for heaven's sake, so that he won't call you bad names.

Merc. Trader

Malum hercle vobis quaeritis.

Gad! It's a bad time you two are looking for.

Leon.

Crura hercle diffringentur, ni istum impudicum percies.

(to Libanus) By the Lord, your legs shall be broken to splinters, if you don't give that shameless rascal a blowing up.

Lib.

Perii hercle. age impudice, sceleste, non audes mihi scelesto subvenire?

(to trader in low tone) Oh Lord! I'm in for it! (loudly) Come, you shameless rascal, you wretch, won't you help me, poor wretch that I am?

Leon.

Pergin precari pessimo?

(to Libanus) Continuing to coax that criminal, are you?

Merc. Trader

Quae res? tun libero homini male servos loquere?

(getting indignant) How is this? You dare to abuse a free man, you, you slave?

Leon.

Vapula.

You be thrashed!

Merc. Trader

Id quidem tibi hercle fiet, ut vapules, Demaenetum simulac conspexero hodie.[12] 479

Be thrashed? Precisely what will be done to you, by gad, the moment I set eyes on Demaenetus to-day!

Leon.

Quid, verbero? ain tu, furcifer? erum nos fugitare censes? 484-485 ei nunciam ad erum, quo vocas, iam dudum quo volebas.

What, you whipping post? So, you gallows-bird? D'ye think we skulk from our master? On with you straight to the master you summon us to, the master you've wanted to see this long time past. (goes toward forum)

Merc. Trader

Nunc demum? tamen numquam hinc feres argenti nummum, nisi me dare iusserit Demaenetus.

At last, eh? But never a penny do you get from me, unless I am instructed to give it to you by Demaenetus.

Leon.

Ita facito, age ambula ergo. tu contumeliam alteri facias, tibi non dicatur? tam ego homo sum quam tu.

All right, all right! Come, step along, then! Do you want to insult another man and not get it back? I'm as much of a man as you are!

Merc. Trader

Scilicet. ita res est.

No doubt. Quite so.

Leon.

Sequere hac ergo 490 praefiscini hoc nunc dixerim: nemo etiam me accusavit merito meo, neque me alter est Athenis hodie quisquam, cui credi recte aeque putent.

Come along this way, then. (stops) If I may say so without presumption, let me tell you this now: no one has ever yet accused me justly, and there's not a single other man in all Athens that people think worthy of such confidence as me, either.

Merc. Trader

Fortassis. sed tamen me numquam hodie induces, ut tibi credam hoc argentum ignoto. lupus est homo homini, non homo, quom qualis sit non novit.

I dare say. But notwithstanding, never will you induce me to-day to trust this money to you, a stranger, (somewhat apologetically) "Man is no man, but a wolf, to a stranger."

Leon.

Iam nunc secunda mihi facis. scibam huic te capitulo hodie. facturum satis pro iniuria; quamquam ego sum sordidatus, frugi tamen sum, nec potest peculium enumerari.

(encouraged) Now there, that's decent of you! I knew you'd soon be making amends to a good fellow for doing him an injustice. No matter if I do look shabby, I'm an honest man just the same, and as for the cash I've laid by—it can't be counted.

Merc. Trader

Fortasse.

(sceptically) I dare say.

Leon.

Etiam[13] Periphanes Rhodo mercator dives absente ero solus mihi talentum argenti soli 500 adnumeravit et mihi credidit, nequest deceptus in eo.

Even Periphanes, the rich trader from Rhodes, counted out two hundred pounds to me when master was away and we were all by ourselves,—he trusted me, and he wasn't deceived in doing so, either.

Merc. Trader

Fortasse.

I dare say.

Leon.

Atque etiam tu quoque ipse. si esses percontatus me ex aliis, scio pol crederes nunc quod fers.

Yes, and even you yourself, too, if you had only inquired from others about me, I know you would trust me with what you've got there, good Lord, yes!

Merc. Trader

Haud negassim.

(_icily_) I should be sorry to deny it._ (_motions Leonida to lead the way to Demaenetus_) [EXEUNT THE THREE TO THE FORUM, _Leonida_ IREFUL.



ACTVS III

ACT III

(Half an hour has elapsed.)

ENTER Cleareta AND Philaenium FROM THEIR HOUSE.

Cle.

Nequeon ego ted interdictis facere mansuetem meis? an ita tu es animata, ut qui matris expers imperio sies?

Have I no power to make you submit when I prohibit a thing? Can it be that you feel inclined to rid yourself of your mother's authority?

Phil.

Ubi piem Pietatem, si istoc more moratam tibi postulem placere, mater, mihi quo pacto praecipis?[14] (507)

How should I be showing myself duteous to Filial Duty, mother, if I tried to please you by practising such practices and doing as you prescribe?

Cle.

Hocine est pietatem colere. matris imperium minuere? (509)

Is this regarding filial duty, to lessen a mother's authority?

Phil.

Neque quae recte faciunt culpo neque quae delinquont amo. 510

I don't find fault with mothers that do right, and I don't like ones that do wrong.

Cle.

Satis dicacula es amatrix.

A glib enough little hussy!

Phil.

Mater, is quaestus mihi est: lingua poscit, corpus quaerit; animus orat, res monet.

(lightly) All in my profession, mother: tongue asks, body teases; fancy prompts, circumstances suggest.

Cle.

Ego te volui castigare, tu mi accusatrix ades.

I intended to scold you, and here you are turning on me!

Phil.

Neque edepol te accuso neque id me facere fas existimo. verum ego meas queror fortunas, cum illo quem amo prohibeor.

Oh, no! I'm not turning on you: I don't think that would be right. But I do think it's a cruel fate to be kept away from the man I love.

Cle.

Ecqua pars orationis de die dabitur mihi?

Am I to get some share of the speechmaking before nightfall?

Phil.

Et meam partem loquendi et tuam trado tibi; ad loquendum atque ad tacendum tute habeas portisculum. quin pol si reposivi remum, sola ego in casteria ubi quiesco, omnis familiae causa consistit tibi. 520

I give you my share and your own, too: you can be boatswain yourself and give the signal for talking and keeping still. But goodness me, if I once lay down the oar, I, and stay by myself resting in the rowers' room, the progress of this whole household stops short, you see.

Cle.

Quid ais tu, quam ego unam vidi mulierem audacissimam? quotiens te votui Argyrippum filium Demaeneti compellare aut contrectare, conloquive aut contui? quid dedit? quid ad nos iussit deportari? an tu tibi verba blanda esse aurum rere, dicta docta pro datis? ultro amas, ultro expetessis, ultro ad te accersi iubes illos qui dant, eos derides; qui deludunt, deperis.

Look here! Of all the impudent young misses I have ever seen! How many times have I forbidden you to have communication or contact or chitchat with Demaenetus's son, Argyrippus, or to cast your eyes on him? What has he given us? What has he had sent us? Do you think pretty speeches are gold pieces, witty words presents? You make love to him yourself, run after him yourself, have him called yourself. Men that give you things you treat with contempt; those that trifle with you you dote on.

an te id exspectare oportet, si quis promittat tibi te facturum divitem, si moriatur mater sua? ecastor[15] nobis periclum magnum et familiae portenditur, 530 dum eius exspectamus mortem, ne nos moriamur fame. nunc adeo nisi mi huc argenti adfert viginti minas, ne ille ecastor hunc trudetur largus lacrumarum foras. hic dies summust quo est[16] apud me inopiae excusatio.

Have you any business waiting for it to happen, if a man does promise to make you rich, if his mother dies? Mercy me, while we wait for her to die, up looms a big risk of ourselves and our household dying of starvation! Now let me tell you this: unless he brings me eighty pounds, I swear to goodness that fellow shall be bundled out of the house, liberal as he is—of tears! This is the last day I accept pleas of poverty.

Phil.

Patiar, si cibo carere me iubes, mater mea.

Tell me to do without food, mother dear, and I'll endure that.

Cle.

Non voto ted amare qui dant quoia amentur gratia.

I have nothing to say against your loving men who give you something to be loved for.

Phil.

Quid si hic animus occupatust, mater, quid faciam? mone.

What if my heart isn't free, mother? What then? Advise me.

Cle.

Em, meum caput contemples si quidem ex re consultas tua.

Look! Consider these grey hairs of mine, if you really have any regard for your own good.

Phil.

Etiam opilio qui pascit, mater, alienas ovis, 539,540 aliquam habet peculiarem, qui spem soletur suam. sine me amare unum Argyrippum animi causa, quem volo.

Even the shepherd that pastures other peoples' sheep has some ewe lamb of his very own, mother, one that he builds happy hopes on. Do let me love Argyrippus alone, the man I want, just for love's sake.

Cle.

Intro abi, nam te quidem edepol nihil est impudentius.

Inside with you! Why, mercy on us, a more shameless minx than you really can't exist.

Phil.

Audientem dicto, mater, produxisti filiam.

(tearfully) You've trained ... your ... daughter ... to ... be obedient ... mother. [EXIT Philaenium INTO HOUSE, FOLLOWED BY Cleareta.

III. 2.

Scene 2.

ENTER FROM FORUM Libanus AND Leonida, LATTER CARRYING A WALLET.

Lib.

Perfidiae laudes gratiasque habemus merito magnas, quom nostris sycophantiis, dolis astutiisque,[17] (546) advorsum stetimus lamminas,[18] crucesque compedesque, (548) nervos, catenas, carceres, numellas, pedicas, boias 549,550 inductoresque[19] acerrumos gnarosque nostri tergi.[20] (551)

(chanting ecstatically) All praise and thanks be to holy Perfidy as she deserves, since by our swindles, shams, and wiles we have defied hot irons and crosses and gyves, and thongs, chains, cells, shackles, fetters, collars, and painters—painters keen as can be and intimate with our backs!

eae nunc legiones, copiae exercitusque eorum (554) vi pugnando periuriis nostris fugae potiti. id virtute huius collegae[21] meaque comitate factumst. qui me vir fortior ad sufferundas plagas?

All these regiments, battalions, and armies of theirs have been put to flight, after fierce fighting, by our fabrications. 'Tis the valour of my colleague hath done it, with my own kind assistance. Who's a stouter-hearted hero than I am at taking thwacks?

Leon.

Edepol virtutes qui tuas non possis conclaudare sic ut ego possim, quae domi duellique male fecisti. ne illa edepol pro merito tuo memorari multa possunt: 560

(sneeringly) Good Lord! Your deeds of valour—you couldn't celebrate them the way I could your villainies at home and in the field. Gad! you certainly can be acredited with a lengthy list of things along that line.

ubi fidentem fraudaveris, ubi ero infidelis fueris, ubi verbis conceptis sciens libenter periuraris, ubi parietes perfoderis, in furto ubi sis prehensus, ubi saepe causam dixeris pendens adversus octo artutos, audacis viros, valentis virgatores.

Item, cheated a confiding friend; item, faithless to master; item, committed perjury consciously, cheerfully, in set form of words; item, dug your way into houses through the walls; item, caught at thieving; item, strung up repeatedly and plead your case before eight bold, brawny beef-eaters with a gift for club swinging.

Lib.

Fateor profecto ut praedicas, Leonida, esse vera; verum edepol ne etiam tua quoque malefacta iterari multa et vero possunt; ubi sciens fideli infidus fueris, ubi prensus in furto sies manifesto et verberatus,[22] 569 ubi eris damno, molestiae et dedecori saepe fueris, (571)

I am quite ready to admit that is a just statement of the case, Leonida; but, Lord! the list of even your own villainies, too, can certainly be made lengthy enough, without injustice. Item, consciously treacherous to a trusting friend; item, caught stealing redhanded and whipped; item, repeatedly brought loss, trouble, and disgrace on your masters;

ubi creditum quod sit tibi datum esse pernegaris,[23] (572) ubi saepe ad languorem tua duritia dederis octo (574) validos lictores, ulmeis adfectos lentis virgis. num male relata est gratia, ut collegam collaudavi?

item, had money left in your keeping and swore and swore it wasn't; item, repeatedly exhausted by your toughness eight strong lictors equipped with pliant elm rods. (pause) Have I celebrated my colleague highly enough to pay him back—eh, what?

Leon.

Ut meque teque maxime atque ingenio nostro decuit.

(thoughtfully) Yes, pretty much what you and I and our characters deserved.

Lib.

Iam omitte ista atque hoc quod rogo responde.

Drop your nonsense now and answer me this question.

Leon.

Rogita quod vis.

Ask your question.

Lib.

Argenti viginti minas habesne?

(triumphantly) The eighty pounds, have you got it?

Leon.

Hariolare. edepol senem Demaenetum lepidum fuisse nobis: 580 ut adsimulabat Sauream med esse quam facete! nimis aegre risum contini, ubi hospitem inclamavit, quod se absente mihi fidem habere noluisset. ut memoriter me Sauream vocabat atriensem.

You're a prophet! By gad, old Demaenetus did do the handsome thing by us. The way he pretended I was Saurea—clever, my word! I did have a deuce of a time holding in when he hauled our guest over the coils for not being willing to trust me in his absence. The way he remembered to keep calling me steward Saurea!

Lib.

Mane dum.

(looking toward Cleareta's house) Wait, though!

Leon.

Quid est?

What's up?

Lib.

Philaenium estne haec quae intus exit atque Argyrippus una?

Isn't this Philaenium coming out here, yes, and Argyrippus along with her?

Leon.

Opprime os, is est. subauscultemus.

(in low tone) Shut your mouth—so it is. Let's do some eaves-dropping (they retire)

Lib.

Lacrumantem lacinia tenet lacrumans. quidnam esse dicam? taciti auscultemus.

Both crying and she holding on to the lappet of his cloak! What on earth is the matter! Let's keep still and listen.

Leon.

Attatae, modo hercle in mentem venit, nimis vellem habere perticam.

Oh-h! Jove! It has just occurred to me; how I do wish I had a pole!

Lib.

Quoi rei?

What for?

Leon.

Qui verberarem asinos, si forte occeperint clamare hinc ex crumina 590

To whop those asses, if they happen to start braying in the wallet here.

III. 3.

Scene 3.

ENTER Argyrippus AND Philaenium FROM THE DOORWAY OF Cleareta's HOUSE WHERE THEY HAVE BEEN STANDING

Argyr.

Cur me retentas?

(sadly) Why hold me back?

Phil.

Quia tui amans abeuntis egeo.

(tearfully) Because it's dreadful having you leave me when I love you so.

Argyr.

Vale.

(trying half heartedly to release himself) Farewell!

Phil.

Aliquanto amplius valerem, si his maneres.

(still clinging to him) I should fare much better if you'd stay with me.

Argyr.

Salve.

And God bless you!

Phil.

Salvere me iubes, quoi tu abiens offers morbum?

You ask God to bless me when you curse me yourself by going?

Argyr.

Mater supremam mihi tua dixit, domum ire iussit.

Your mother said this was to be my last hour; she has ordered me home.

Phil.

Acerbum funus filiae faciet, si te carendum est.

She'll make her daughter die in misery, if I must be deprived of you.

Lib.

Homo hercle hinc exclusust foras.

(aside to Leonida) By gad! He's been shut out of the house here.

Leon.

Ita res est.

So he has.

Argyr.

Mitte quaeso.

(dismally) Come, come, let go! (pulls away from her and turns to go)

Phil.

Quo nunc abis? quin tu hic manes?

Where are you off to now? Why don't you stay here?

Argyr.

Nox, si voles, manebo.

I will at night, if you want.

Lib.

Audin hunc opera ut largus est nocturna? nunc enim esse negotiosum interdius videlicet Solonem, leges ut conscribat, quibus se populus teneat. gerrae! 600 qui sese parere apparent huius legibus, profecto numquam bonae frugi sient, dies noctesque potent.

Hear the chap—how free he is with his attentions by night? For now in the daytime he's a hard-working Solon, drawing up laws to bind the people—oh, yes he is! Rot! Folks that set themselves to obey his laws won't ever be good for anything, that's sure,—except drinking day and night.

Leon.

Ne iste hercle ab ista non pedem discedat, si licessit, qui nunc festinat atque ab hac minatur sese abire.

Good Lord! The fellow wouldn't move a step from her, if he had his way, not he, for all this rush of his and threats to leave her

Lib.

Sermoni iam finem face tuo. huius sermonem accipiam.

Come, make an end of your talk. I want to take in some of his.

Argyr.

Vale.

(tragically) Farewell! (starts away)

Phil.

Quo properas?

Where are you hurrying to?

Argyr.

Bene vale, apud Orcum te videbo nam equidem me iam quantum potest a vita abiudicabo.

Farewell! Be happy. I shall see you in the world to come! For upon my soul, this world and I shall now be divorced as soon as possible!

Phil.

Cui tu, obsecro, immerito meo me morti dedere optas?

(running up and clinging to him) Oh, for heaven's sake, why, why do you wish to condemn me to death yourself, innocent as I am?

Argyr.

Ego te? quam si intellegam deficere vita, iam ipse vitam meam tibi largiar et de mea ad tuam addam. 610

I you? If I saw your life was ebbing, I'd freely give you my own at once and add my years to yours.

Phil.

Cui ergo minitans mihi, te vitam esse amissurum? nam quid me facturam putas, si istuc quod dicis faxis? mihi certum est facere in me omnia eadem quae tu in te faxis.

Then why do you threaten me with throwing away your life? For what do you think I will do, if you do what you say? My mind's made up: I'll do to myself just precisely what you do to yourself.

Argyr.

Oh melle dulci dulcior tu es.

Oh, you're sweeter than sweet honey!

Phil.

Certe enim tu vita es mi. complectere.

And you're my very life, I know that. Do put your arms around me!

Argyr.

Facio lubens.

(doing so) Yes, yes, gladly!

Phil.

Utinam sic efferamur.

Oh, if we could only be carried to the grave like this!

Leon.

O Libane, uti miser est homo qui amat.

I say, Libanus, what a poor devil a chap in love is!

Lib.

Immo hercle vero, qui pendet multo est miserior.

By Jove, no! A chap hung up by his heels is a much poorer devil, believe me.

Leon.

Scio qui periclum feci. circum sistamus, alter hinc, hinc alter appellemus. ere, salve. sed num fumus est haec mulier quam amplexare?

I know that: I've tried it. (a pause) Let's surround him, and give him a salute, one from here (pointing) and the other from here. (they station themselves: then, giving the signal to Libanus to chime in, loudly to Argyrippus) Good day, sir! (the lovers give a start) But—this lady you're hugging isn't smoke, is she?

Argyr.

Quidum?

Smoke? Why so?

Leon.

Quia oculi sunt tibi lacrumantes, eo rogavi. 620

Well, your eyes are watering; that's why I asked.

Argyr.

Patronus qui vobis fuit futurus, perdidistis.

(tragically) You have lost a man who would have freed you and been your patron, my lads.

Leon.

Equidem hercle nullum perdidi, ideo quia numquam ullum habui.

Lord! I haven't lost any such, no, indeed, seeing I never had any such.

Lib.

Philaenium, salve.

Good day to you, Philaenium.

Phil.

Dabunt di quae velitis vobis.

God grant all your wishes, to both of you.

Lib.

Noctem tuam et vini cadum velim, si optata fiant.

I'd wish an evening with you and a cask of wine, if wishing was having.

Argyr.

Verbum cave faxis, verbero.

Hold your tongue, you rascal!

Lib.

Tibi equidem, non mihi opto.

Oh, wish 'em for you, I mean, sir, not for myself.

Argyr.

Tum tu igitur loquere quod lubet.

Then in that case, say what you like.

Lib.

Hunc hercle verberare.

Like? I'd like to give this chap (pointing to Leonida) a thrashing, by gad!

Leon.

Quisnam istuc adcredat tibi, cinaede calamistrate? tun verberes, qui pro cibo habeas te verberari?

(ironically) Well, well, who'd believe it of you, you frizzle-headed girl-hunter? You thrash me, you, you that live on thrashings?

Argyr.

Ut vostrae fortunae meis praecedunt, Libane, longe, qui hodie numquam ad vesperum vivam.

(tragical again) Ah, Libanus, how far preferable your lot is to mine—I who will never never live till evening!

Lib.

Quapropter, quaeso? 630

How's that, for mercy's sake?

Argyr.

Quia ego hanc amo et haec me amat, huic quod dem nusquam quicquam est, hinc med amantem ex aedibus eiecit huius mater. argenti viginti minae me ad mortem appulerunt, quas hodie adulescens Diabolus ipsi daturus dixit, ut hanc ne quoquam mitteret nisi ad se hunc annum totum. videtin viginti minae quid pollent quidve possunt? ille qui illas perdit salvos est, ego qui non perdo pereo.

Because I love her (indicating Philaenium) and she loves me, and (bitterly) never a penny can I find anywhere to give her; and her mother has thrown me out of the house here, me, her daughter's lover. I'm driven to my death by eighty pounds, eighty pounds young Diabolus promised to pay her to-day for letting no one else but him have my girl the whole of this next year. Do you see the power, the possibilities in eighty pounds? The man that loses them is saved. I don't lose them and I'm lost myself.

Lib.

Iam dedit argentum?

Has he paid 'em over already?

Argyr.

Non dedit.

No.

Lib.

Bono animo es, ne formida.

Cheer up; never you fear.

Leon.

Secede huc, Libane, te volo.

Libanus! Come over here: I want you.

Lib.

Si quid vis.

(obeying) Anything to please. (they withdraw and talk, heads close together)

Argyr.

Obsecro vos eadem istac opera suaviust complexos fabulari. 640

(calling) For heaven's sake, you two! You'd find it pleasanter to hug each other, while you do your chatting!

Lib.

Non omnia eadem aeque omnibus, ere, suavia esse scito: vobis est suave amantibus complexos fabulari, ego complexum huius nil moror, meum autem hic aspernatur. proinde istud facias ipse quod faciamus nobis suades.

Tastes differ about what's pleasant, sir, let me tell you that. A fond pair like you find it pleasant to hug each other while you do your chatting; but, personally, I don't care for this fellow's hugs, and as for mine, he scorns 'em. So you go on and practise yourself what you preach to us.

Argyr.

Ego vero, et quidem edepol lubens. interea, si videtur, concedite istuc.

Indeed I will, by Jove, yes, and gladly. Meanwhile you two go on and step aside there, if you see fit. (embraces Philaenium)

Leon.

Vin erum deludi?

D'ye want to have some fun with master?

Lib.

Dignust sane.

That I do, serves him right.

Leon.

Vin faciam ut te Philaenium praesente hoc amplexetur?

D'ye want me to make Philaenium give you a squeeze right before his face?

Lib.

Cupio hercle.

(enthusiastically) Gad, I long for one!

Leon.

Sequere hac.

Come along. (_leads the way back to Argyrippus and _Philaenium_)

Argyr.

Ecquid est salutis? satis locuti.

Any good news? You have talked enough.

Leon.

Auscultate atque operam date et mea dicta devorate. primum omnium servos tuos nos esse non negamus, 650 sed tibi si viginti minae argenti proferentur, quo nos vocabis nomine?

(importantly) Listen here, you two; pay attention and devour my remarks, (to Argyrippus) First of all, we are your slaves, we don't deny that; but if eighty pounds is produced for you, what will you call us?

Argyr.

Libertos.

(eagerly) Freedmen!

Leon.

Non patronos?

Not patrons, eh?

Argyr.

Id potius.

Yes, yes, patrons!

Leon.

Viginti minae hic insunt in crumina, has ego, si vis, tibi dabo.

There's eighty pounds in this wallet here: I'll give it to you if you like.

Argyr.

Di te servassint semper, custos erilis, decus popli, thensaurus copiarum, salus interioris[24] corporis amorisque imperator. hic pone, hic istam colloca cruminam in collo plane.

Heaven prosper you for evermore, you guardian of your master, you glory of the populace, you storehouse of supplies, saviour of the inner man, and generalissimo of love! Put it here, hang that wallet here around my neck in plain sight.

Leon.

Nolo ego te, qui erus sis, mihi onus istuc sustinere.

Let my master bear such a load? No sir, not I.

Argyr.

Quin tu labore liberas te atque istam imponis in me?

Why not take things easy yourself and let me stand the strain?

Leon.

Ego baiulabo, tu, ut dacet dominum, ante me ito inanis. 660

I'll act as porter myself; as for you, you walk on ahead as a master should, empty handed.

Argyr.

Quid nunc?

(eagerly) Well now?

Lean.

Quid est?

(drawling) Well what?

Argyr.

Quin tradis huc cruminam pressatum umerum?

Why don't you hand the wallet over and let it crush my shoulder?

Leon.

Hanc, cui daturu's hanc, iube petere atque orare mecum. nam istuc proclive est, quo iubes me plane collocare.

She's the one, (pointing to Philaenium) the one you'll give it to, tell her to ask me for it, tease me for it. You see that plain site you told me to put it on is a (with a sly glance at Philaenium) slope.

Phil.

Da, meus ocellus, mea rosa, mi anime, mea voluptas, Leonida, argentum mihi, ne nos diiunge amantis.

Oh, Leonida, you apple of my eye, my rosebud, my heart's delight, my darling, do give me the money! Don't separate us lovers.

Leon.

Dic me igitur tuom passerculum, gallinam, coturnicem, agnellum haedillum me tuom die esse vel vitellum. prehende auriculis, compara labella cum labellis.

(with burlesque fondness) Well then, call me your little sparrow, hen, quail, call me your little lambkin, kidlet, or calfyboy, if you prefer: take hold of me by the earlaps and match my little lips to your little lips.

Argyr.

Ten osculetur, verbero?

She kiss you, you scoundrel?

Leon.

Quam vero indignum visum est? at qui pol hodie non feres, ni genua confricantur. 670

Yes, it does seem a shame, doesn't it? However, you don't get the cash this day, by gad, unless you rub my knees.

Argyr.

Quidvis egestas imperat: fricentur. dan quod oro?

"Need knows no shame." Rubbed they shall be. (gets down on ground, with poor grace, and clasps Leonida's knees) Won't you grant my prayer? (gets up)

Phil.

Age, mi Leonida, obsecro, fer amanti ero salutem, redime istoc beneficio te ab hoc, et tibi eme hunc isto argento.

Come, dear Leonida, please, please save your master that loves me so! Buy your freedom from him by this kindness, buy his favour for yourself with this money! (embraces him)

Leon.

Nimis bella es atque amabilis, et si hoc meum esset, hodie namquam me orares quin darem. illum te orare meliust, illic hanc mihi servandam dedit ei sane bella belle, cape hoc sis, Libane.

(leering at her) Ah, you're pretty, perfectly adorable: and if this belonged to me, I'd never let you tease me twice for it, never. But he's the one for you to tease: (pointing to Libanus) he gave it to me to keep for him. At him now, my pretty, prettily. Libanus, catch hold of this, will you! (tosses him the wallet)

Argyr.

Furcifer, etiam me delusisti?

What, you villain! Have you been making a fool of me?

Leon.

Numquam hercle facerem, genua ni tam nequiter fricares. age sis tu in partem nunciam hunc delude atque amplexare hanc.

Bless you, sir, I wouldn't, only you made such a bad job of rubbing my knees. (aside to Libanus) Come on now, will you; you take your turn at fooling him and cuddling her.

Lib.

Taceas, me spectes.

(aside to Leonida) Shut up: you watch me!

Argyr.

Quin ad hunc, Philaenium, adgredimur, 680 virum quidem pol optimum et non simulem furis huius?

(aside to Philaenium) Why not make up to him, Philaenium? He's a very decent sort, Libanus is, gad yes, nothing like this thief. (indicating Leonida)

Lib.

Inambulandum est: nunc mihi vicissam supplicabunt.

(aside as they approach) Now for some strutting around: here's where I come in for being supplicated. (parades magnificently back and forth)

Argyr.

Quaeso hercle, Libane, sis erum tuis factis sospitari, da mihi istas viginti minas. vides me amantem egere.

Hang it all, Libanus, for mercy's sake be a good fellow and save your master's life! Give me that eighty pounds. You see I'm in love and need the money.

Lib.

Videbitur. factum volo. redito huc contemno nunc istanc tantisper iube petere atque orare mecum.

We'll see about it. Happy if I can oblige. Come back early in the evening. Meanwhile now just tell the lady there to ask me for it and tease me for it.

Phil.

Amandone exorarier vis ted an osculando?

Tease it from you by loving you, or by kissing you, which?

Lib.

Enim vero utrumque.

Oh well, try both of 'em.

Phil.

Ergo, obsecro, et tu utrumque nostrum serva.

(fondling him) And both of us, then,—do rescue us, please, please!

Argyr.

O Libane, mi patrone, mi trade istuc. magis decorumst libertum potius quam patronum onus in via portare. 690

O Libanus, my dear patron, do hand it over to me! A freedman is the proper person to carry a load on the street, not his patron.

Phil.

Mi Libane, ocellus aureus, donum decusque amoris, amabo, faciam quod voles, da istuc argentum nobis.

My own Libanus, my little golden treasure boy, love's gift and glory, oh, I'll adore you, do anything for you, only give us that money!

Lib.

Dic igitur med aniticulam, columbam vel catellum, hirundinem, monerulam, passerculum putillum, fac proserpentem bestiam me, duplicem ut habeam linguam, circumda torquem bracchiis, meum collum circumplecte.

Then call me your little ducky, dovey, doggieboy, your swallow, your little jackdaw, your little tootsie wootsie sparrowkin: (opening his mouth) make a reptile of me and let me have a double tongue in my mouth; throw a chain of arms around me; clasp me close around my neck.

Argyr.

Ten complectatur, carnufex?

Put her arms around you, you gallows-bird!

Lib.

Quam vero indignus videor? ne istuc nequiquam dixeris tam indignum dictum in me, vehes pol hodie me, si quidem hoc argentum ferre speres.

An awful shame, isn't it, really now? Not to have you saying such shameful things of me free of charge, you'll carry me on your back to-day, by gad, that is, if you count on getting this cash.

Argyr.

Ten ego veham?

I carry you on my back—I?

Lib.

Tun hoc feras argentum aliter a me? 700

See any other way of getting this cash, do you—you?

Argyr.

Perii hercle. si verum quidem et decorum erum vehere servom, inscende.

O damnation! Well, if it is right and proper for a master to carry a servant on his back—get up.

Lib.

Sic isti solent superbi subdomari. asta igitur, ut consuetus es puer olim scin ut dicam? em sic. abi, laudo, nec te equo magis est equos ullus sapiens.

Here's how those toplofty ones are tamified. Now then, stand by—the way you used to do years ago as a boy. Know how I mean? (Argyrippus sidles up and bends over) There! That's it! Good for you! Capital! There isn't a more knowing bit of horse-flesh than you anywhere.

Argyr.

Inscende actutum.

Get up, and be quick about it!

Lib.

Ego fecero hem quid istuc est? ut tu incedis? demam hercle iam de hordeo, tolutim ni badizas.

(springing on his shoulders) So I will. (Argyrippus moves off slowly) Hullo! What's the matter? How you do jog along! By gad, I'll dock your barley directly, if you don't stir yourself and gallop. (Argyrippus gallops)

Argyr.

Amabo, Libane, iam sat est.

There's a good fellow, Libanus,—that's enough now!

Lib.

Numquam hercle hodie exorabis nam iam calcari quadrupedo agitabo advorsum clivom, postidea ad pistores dabo, ut ibi cruciere currens. asta ut descendam nunciam in proclivi, quamquam nequam es. 710

Not on your life—you don't beg off this day. Why, now I'm going to dig the spurs in and trot you up a hill: afterwards I'll hand you over to the millers to do some running for 'em at the end of a rawhide. Stand still! so that I can dismount on the slope now, even though you are a good-for-nothing beast. (gets off)

Argyr.

Quid nunc, amabo? quoniam, ut est libitum, nos delusistis, datisne argentum?

How about it now? There's a good fellow! Seeing you two have had your fill of sport with me, going to give us the money, are you?

Lib.

Si quidem mihi statuam et aram statuis atque ut deo mi hic immolas bovem: nam ego tibi Salus sum.

Oh well, if you put me up an altar and statue, yes, and offer me up an ox here the same as a god: for I'm your goddess Salvation, I am.

Leon.

Etiam tu, ere, istunc amoves abs te atque[25] ipse me adgredere atque illa, sibi quae hic iusserat, mihi statuis supplicasque?

Come, sir, get rid of that chap, won't you, and apply to me in person, yes, and let me have those statues and supplications he ordered for himself.

Argyr.

Quem te autem divom nominem?

Ah, and by what name does your godship pass?

Leon.

Fortunam, atque Obsequentem.

Fortune, yes sir, Indulgent Fortune.

Argyr.

Iam istoc es melior.

Now there's where you are better.

Lib.

An quid est homini Salute melius?

Eh? what's better for a man than Salvation?

Argyr.

Licet laudem Fortunam, tamen ut ne Salutem culpem.

I can praise Fortune and still not disparage Salvation.

Phil.

Ecastor ambae sunt bonae.

Mercy me, they're both good.

Argyr.

Sciam ubi boni quid dederint.

I'll know so when I get something good out of them.

Leon.

Opta id quod ut contingat tibi vis.

Wish for something you want to happen to you.

Argyr.

Quid si optaro?

What if I do?

Leon.

Eveniet. 720

It'll come true.

Argyr.

Opto annum hunc perpetuom mihi huius operas.

My wish is to have this lady's attentions this whole next year through.

Leon.

Impetrasti.

You've got it.

Argyr.

Ain vero?

Really? really?

Leon.

Certe inquam.

Sure thing I tell you.

Lib.

Ad me adi vicissim atque experire. exopta id quod vis maxime tibi evenire: fiet.

It's my turn—come over here and give me a trial. Long for something you most want to come true: it will.

Argyr.

Quid ego aliud exoptem amplius nisi illud cuius inopiast, viginti argenti commodas minas, huius quas dem matri.

What could I long for more than something I haven't got a trace of—a round eighty pounds to give this girl's mother?

Lib.

Dabuntur, animo sis bono face, exoptata optingent.

Forthcoming. Keep your courage up: your longing will be gratified.

Argyr.

Ut consuevere, homines Salus frustratur et Fortuna.

(incredulous) Salvation is at her old tricks, fooling people, and Fortune too.

Leon.

Ego caput huic argento fui hodie reperiundo.

In lighting on this cash to-day—I'm the one that's been the head of it!

Lib.

Ego pes fui.

I'm the one that's been the foot of it!

Argyr.

Quin nec caput nec pes sermoni apparet. nec quid dicatis scire nec me cur ludatis possum. 730

And upon my soul, your discourse is a puzzle from head to foot. I can't understand your talk, or why you're making game of me.

Lib.

Satis iam delusum censeo. nunc rem ut est eloquamur. animum. Argyrippe, advorte sis. pater nos ferre hoc iussit argentum ad ted.

(aside to Leonida) I move he's been fooled with long enough. Come on, let's out with it. (to Argyrippus) Your kind attention, Argyrippus! Your father told us to bring this money to you. (holding up wallet)

Argyr.

Ut temperi opportuneque attulistis.

Oh, you've brought it just in time, just at the right moment!

Lib.

Hic inerunt viginti minae bonae, mala opera partae; has tibi nos pactis legibus dare iussit.

You'll find in here eighty good sovereigns ill-gotten: he said to give 'em to you according to terms agreed upon.

Argyr.

Quid id est, quaeso?

Terms? What terms, for mercy's sake?

Lib.

Noctem huius et cenam sibi ut dares.

That you're to give him an evening with this lady, and a dinner.

Argyr.

Iube advenire quaeso: meritissimo eius quae volet faciemus, qui hosce amores nostros dispulsos compulit.

Tell him to come along, yes, yes! We'll do what he wants, and quite right we should, after the way he's gathered our scattered love to the fold. (takes wallet from Libanus)

Leon.

Patierin, Argyrippe, patrem hanc amplexari tuom?

Going to put up with your father's hugging her, are you, Argyrippus?

Argyr.

Haec faciet facile ut patiar Leonida, curre obsecro, patrem huc orato ut veniat. 740

(waving wallet) This will easily enable me to put up with it. Leonida, for heaven's sake run and beg my father to come here.

Leon.

Iam dudum est intus.

(pointing to Cleareta's house) He was in there long ago.

Argyr.

Hac quidem non venit.

He certainly didn't come this way.

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